CAMPING WITH MY SON

CAMPING WITH MY SON


[footsteps]
PJ: All right, here we go. Lil’ bit further. Here we go. Brad: We’ve been walking for a *really* long time. Where are we? PJ: Few more steps, just a few more, I swear. Aaaaaand, stay there! PJ: Ta-daaaaaaa! Brad: You said, “We’re going to Summer World Theme Park”! PJ: That was a lie. Brad: Alright, well, I’m going home. PJ: No, you’re not! PJ: Here we are, me and my uh – my second favorite son Braj– Brad. We are here, out in the great outdoors, and we’re gonna be having a great night together. Aren’t we? You’re excited?! Brad: No! PJ: Alright, well don’t… Brad: The Great Outdoors. PJ: The wilderness – who knows what we’ll see! Brad: Wilderness?
PJ: Yeh. Brad: This is a garden. PJ: Dunno what you’re basing this off… Brad: Whose house is that?! Brad: Based on that! Whose house is that? PJ: Uh, yeah, well, I don’t… *exactly* know, so just keep your voice down, yeah? PJ: I can sense that the fire is coming! Brad: No, it’s not.
PJ: Yes, it is! Brad: That’s *never* going to work. PJ: This is gonna be “lit”, as I’ve…heard you say once or twice. Brad: Never once. PJ: Bet your stepdad Bob has never started a fire like this before! Brad: He’s probably *put out* fires… PJ: He’s has- I have just remembered, he is a fireman.
Brad: He is a fireman. PJ: Well… Who do you think keeps him in business? Brad: Wait, what- did you start that fire? When he was trapped? In that orphanage? PJ: Come on!!
Brad: You’re not even touching the wood with the wood. PJ: Pah!! PJ: Wow! We started the fire together, collectively. So…
Brad: No. Brad: I did it all myself. Brad: I lit it, I collected the wood, while you were doing… Brad: *questionable* things…in the tent.
PJ: It was pilates! Okay? PJ: Well, I would have to say that I am getting rather hungry. *laughs* Brad: Yeah?
PJ: Yeah.
Brad: Me too. Brad: Did you bring food? You didn’t bring food, did you? PJ: I…I was under the assumption maybe you would. Brad: Why would I bring food? PJ: Initiative…? Brad: You lied and said we were going to Summer World Theme Park… PJ: Yeah, well, I have been known to take a…a pork chop to Summer World, uh, from time to time… Brad: No one else…in the history of theme parks has brought their own pork chop! Brad: So what are we going to eat?
PJ: Your old man will, uh, fix this! PJ: *grunts* Brad: Oh my god!
PJ: So… found this in a shed, thought maybe I could go out, rustle up some food for us. Brad: What, are you gonna rustle up a Yeti?
PJ: Uh, don’t be ridiculous, there are no Yetis in Brighton. Brad: Cold enough.
PJ: All right, well, I’m gonna be the father figure- and I’m gonna go get us some food! Brad: Good luck with your sledgehammer… PJ: I am gonna feed my son!
Brad: Mm. PJ: I’m gonna feed him.
Brad: Yeah, feed me to what? PJ: I’ll be back!
Brad: Bye. PJ: I’ll be back soon!
Brad: Yeah? PJ: Here we go!
Brad: Bye! PJ: YES! PJ: *spits* PJ: Poison… Brad: Yeah, he *said* Summer World… No, he’s brought me to…’Camping with PJ and Son.’ Mum, listen. Can you just pick me up? Brad: No, I don’t know where I am. PJ: Come out, wherever you are! PJ: There, there, THERE!! Hrra! PJ: Okay. Thought that might’ve been a squirrel. Brad: Yeah. Yeah, actually, anchovies…pepperoni… Brad: Well…somewhere in Brighton…uh, there’s a road nearby… PJ: Impenetrable… AAAAAAHHHHH!! PJ: Dinner hath arrived! Brad: Yes, it has. PJ: Where did you get pizza from, son? Brad: Fabios! Brad: Think It’s just down the road, like, that way- PJ: Yeah, well Fabios, they- wank in the food, so… Brad: Well… you wanked in the tent. PJ: Alright, well, that was pilates. Brad: What in good god, is that? PJ: This is dinner! I foraged it myself! Delicious father-son feast. I’ve got a selection of, kind of, greenery here… Brad: That’s just leaves… PJ: Not entirely sure what this, uh, but it did put up a fight. Brad: That would be a dead house cat! PJ: Not entirely sure what you’re basing that off,
there’s no proof- Brad: The fact that it’s a *cat* with its *head* caved in by a sledgehammer. A cat, which probably belongs to the people who live in that house. PJ: You know, it was self defence, so… PJ: Maybe I could have a bit of the piece of-
Brad: No! Brad: You’re not…seriously going to eat that, right? PJ: Food is food. In the wild, you can’t be too fussy. Brad: Ugh, no. [loud coughing] (Hurt – Johnny Cash)
♪ I hurt myself… ♪ ♪ …today, ♪ ♪ to see if I still feel ♪ ♪ I focus on the pain… ♪ *PJ screamo-ing, accompanied by strumming* *aggressive strumming* PJ: Nope! No. This isn’t working.
Brad: What are you…trying to do? PJ: Bird-watching, it’s a popular camping activity!
Brad: Bird-watching, with your child’s binoculars? PJ: Okay, these were *very* expensive…
Brad: At night time? PJ: …and so, poor Arnold didn’t respect his father who had arranged a *really* cool go-karting trip for them… …and so he was burned to cinders and never seen again! Brad: Wait, Arnold? As in, my brother who… …went missing… Mum always said, just ’cause you lost at go-karting… You took it out on Arnold! You know I’m just kidding, okay, obviously. PJ: [relieved, awkward laughter] PJ: He’s just kidding- we’re kidding! We’re kidding! We’re having a… …great time! I didn’t kill him… PJ: Fuck! F- Ooh, I’ve fallen on something.. PJ: Let’s, uh, get cozy, come get cozy with your old Pep Pep!
Brad: Fine. PJ: Here we go.
Brad: Can you just… Brad: I don’t wanna… have to… actually touch you, in any way. Brad: It is so cold! Why are we camping in November? PJ: I just wanted to share my favourite month of the year with my favourite son of the year. You know, November’s a great month… this is the month you were conceived, so – [muffled growling] Oh God! Aah! PJ: It’s a, it’s a real bear, Brad, look! Brad: Who says “real bear” when they’re being attacked by a *real* bear? PJ: It wants us dead, it wants our blood! Brad: It doesn’t want us dead, it wants to cuddle us, at best. *bear growling*
PJ: Shoo! Shoo! PJ: I’ve got a bear trap!
Brad: That is…a mouse trap. PJ: For Brad-j!! *a final growl* PJ: It is dead. Brad: Okay, we’re done here. PJ: The bear is dea- what??
Brad: I’m just gonna walk home, we’re in Brighton. PJ: No, please, there might be more bears, for all we know! Brad: No. There’s no bears in Brighton, zero. Including the man in a bear suit. PJ: Okay, well, let’s just stay in the tent, no, don’t go out-
Brad: I’m going. PJ: Brad, no, don’t, don’t, don’t, no, Brad, don’t – Shhhit! PJ: No don’t! Don’t- Okay… Brad: Man in a bear suit. Man in a bear suit: Oi lads! What’s going on? Brad: Yeah, what’s going on?
PJ: What’s going on with you? Brad: What’s going on? Man in a bear suit: I don’t know, he just paid me 500 quid to show up in a bear suit! PJ: Lenny! I said *grizzly* bear suit! Grizzly! Ferocious! Lenny: It’s ferocious! Rawr! Scary, right? Brad: Yeah, as I thought. All right, I’m going back to bed. PJ: Where did you get this from? Lenny: From Fabios, down the street!
PJ: Fabio- oh my god, it’s a pizza place! PJ: They wank in the costumes…
Lenny: I’m gettin’ paid, aren’t I? PJ: Absolutely not!! I was *this close* to gaining my son’s respect, *this close*!! Lenny: I’ve got kids!
PJ: Burn in hell. Lenny: I need money for the bus! PJ: WALK!! Lenny: It’s fucking cold, man… PJ: You got any more of that pizza down there, son? It’s just, the cat isn’t sitting right with me. I think…I am gonna be sick. Look, all right, you’re angry at me. You’re pissed, I get it, alright? This whole trip has been a failure, it’s just a complete disaster, I can’t even… set up a simple bear attack scenario. I’m a failure of a dad, alright? Just forget it. Forget the trip. [distant growling] PJ: D- PJ: Brad, did you hear that?
Brad: What, your horrible, growling belly? PJ: No, no, no, seriously. That, that wasn’t me. There’s something out there, I think there’s actually a real bear this time, Brad.
Brad: No there’s not. PJ: Brad, seriously, get up, I’m not kidding. I did not set this up. Brad: There’s no bears in Brighton! PJ: I’m, I’m seriously freaking ou- [terrified screaming] Brad: It’s real! This time, it’s real!
PJ: Yeah *obviously*, when have I ever lied to you?? Brad: You’ve lied to me like 12 times, just today. PJ: Okay, well, that’s… [panicked screaming] Brad: Oh my god! PJ: I’m gonna be sick! AUGGHHH OHH! You’re gonna die! You’re gonna die, Braaad! Brad: I think… PJ: AAAHHHH!! PJ: We should piss on each other, that, yes, let’s do that. Brad: No. No. No. No.
PJ: That will deter the bear… [terrified, panicked screaming] Brad: What are we gonna do?
PJ: I know what needs to be done. PJ: Brad, I’m gonna go out there. I’m gonna fight that bear, and I’m gonna kill it. PJ: I’m probably gonna die, but I jus-
Brad: Okay. PJ: Uhh… PJ: Just like that, huh?
Brad: Good luck. PJ: All right, well, just give your mother my mixtape of divorce songs to mourn my death… Brad: No. PJ: I, uhh… love you, son!
Brad: Bye. PJ: Love youu! Here we go… Bear, Here I come! I’M COMING! *war cry* PJ: Come here, bear! Yeah, that’s right. That’s my son in there! That’s my boy! *PJ grunts* Oh god! Get off me! No, don’t bite me, oh my god, get off me! *various grunts, growls, and struggling sounds* Die! Die die die! [screaming and growling] *heavy breathing* PJ: Bear’s dead. Brad: Oh no… I mean, good! PJ: Yeah, I, uh, I stabbed it multiple times. It’s, uh, not gonna be bothering us anymore. PJ: Yeah, I’m gonna burn the body of the bear, I think?
Brad: No! PJ: You’re not gonna burn the-
Brad: No, you don’t wanna burn a… bear’s body, Brad: That’s bad luck. Don’t burn it.
PJ: Get me a fire. Brad: You’re covered in blood. Is it your blood or the bear’s blood? PJ: Ah, bit of both.
Brad: Great. Good for you. You should go and clean yourself, I’m gonna check the bear. PJ: Okay, I’m gonna go wash off in the pond.
Brad: Yeah. Okay. PJ. Yeah. Do you want this? Shall I-?
Brad: No! Please. PJ: I should-?
Brad: I don’t want to get my fingerprints on that, actually. PJ: Okay.
Brad: All right. Brad: I’m fucked. Brad: You can wake up. He’s gone. Lenny: Ohhh… Lenny: Oh mate! Lenny: Oh, I thought you said he was weak!
Brad: Uh yeah, I didn’t expect him to have that knife…? Lenny: Yeah, he stabbed me *multiple times*!
Brad: The suit’s holding you together. You’re… Brad: You’ll be fine. You’ll be fine.
Lenny: It was kinda just- everywhere. Brad: It’s a lot of times… Lenny: I’m bleeding a lot, mate.
Okay… Brad: Here’s your money, yeah? Brad: All right, he’s gonna be-
Lenny: Cheers, mate. Brad: -really happy. Brad: I think he’s coming back.
Lenny: Cheers, mate. Ohhh… Brad: Just stay there. Just play dead for a bit and, uh… don’t actually die. PJ: Son! PJ: Hey, hey!
Brad: Ah, hey…! PJ: How’s my favourite son, and my-favourite dead bear? Brad: Really good. You’ve killed a bear, you’ve killed a bear, you’ve actually killed a- bear… PJ: Saved us. I saved our lives. Brad: Yeah, you saved our lives. And our lives are *not* ruined after this, at all… PJ: A bear was threatening us an old Pep Pep came and saved the day… Thanks for coming, son! This has really made my, my, my year, if anything. PJ: We should mount the head on, like, a wall or something. Brad: No, we shouldn’t mount its head on anything we should just-
PJ: To…commemorate. Brad: -leave him. PJ: Where’s my knife? Oh, I left it in the pond
Brad: Oh god… PJ: Well, that was “Camping with PJ and Son,” I’ve had a great old night, it’s been, it’s been a great time, We’ve both had a great time. I- House Owner: What are you doing!? What are you doing in my garden!?
*PJ yelling* PJ: Okay, all right!
House owner: Put your hands up! Brad: No no no, leave the sign, leave the sign, let’s just go.
House owner: Get back here! What’s that dead thing?
PJ: Oh no!

86 thoughts on “CAMPING WITH MY SON

  1. Is the "there are no bears in Brighton" a reference to " there are no centaurs in Oxford" or am I looking too far into this

  2. I HAVE NEW RESPECT FOR YOU PJ
    YOU FUCKIN SANG HURT BY NINE INCH NAILS
    DUDE I LOVE YOU
    i hurt myself today, to see if i still feel. I focus on the the pain, the only thing that's real. The needle tears a hole. The old familiar sting. Try to kill it all away, but i remember everything.

    Though that version you sang seemed familiar to Johnny Cash's cover, and that's always an amazing version too uwu!!

  3. This is the best collaboration between all of these people, scratch that, this is simply the best collaboration ever.

  4. Did PJ knows that his son is not getting paid by his boss but also sometimes role playing as his boss' girlfriend TO his boss for kink?

  5. Still to this day I can't believe this came out on my birthday so long ago. Like what the fuck? How is this video over a year old?

  6. The unscripted interaction gave the sketch the feeling of a real "documentation" like they are shown in TV in the evening 🙂 very realistic

  7. @kickthepj @bradwoto i have just discovered your PJ & Son videos on yt…..And I need more! No joke, The passive aggressive parent & child relationship was palpable, relatable & hilarious . Great balance of satire and suspension of disbelief! Please sirs can I have some more?

  8. It’s 2019, and YT still recommends this to me… this is YT’s sign of saying, “MORE PJ AND SON PLEEEEEEEAAAAAAASEEEEE!!!!”

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