(acoustic guitar) – [Todd] Hi everybody, I’m Todd Glass, and welcome to Camping With Todd. This show’s pretty simple. Each week I take some
comedian friends camping, make dinner, sit around a
fire in a natural atmosphere, not in a studio with bright lights. And, besides, when it’s dark, everybody looks better. This week I have John Dore, Eddie Peppitone, and Zack Galifianakis is
gonna stop by a little later. Look, when you camp with people, you get to know them in
a whole different way, and I think it’s gonna be real special. ♫ Todd Glass is camping with his friends ♫ On Camping With Todd – Yeah, like, right there, that’s perfect. And plug it into the dirt. Look who it is.
– Hey! – How you doing? – This is beautiful. – It’s crazy, right? – I’m doing well, nice to see you. How are you? – Gimme a hug. – How long did it take
you guys to get up here? I’m figuring about three hours. – About an hour. – Aww, that’s great. Wow, we’re in the middle of nowhere. – It only took me an hour. – Where’d you come from? (laughs) – Yes, yes, that owl, I thought that owl looks like Mitch Hedberg a little. – Do you think so?
– It does. – [Owl] Whoo, my friend asked
me if I wanted a frozen mouse, I said no, but I want a
regular mouse later, so yeah. – [Todd] That’s a Mitch Hedberg joke. – That is a Mitch Hedberg owl, for sure. – I just love– – Rattler. (laughs) – There’s no rattler. – By the way, the only way–
– Rattler really. – No, shut up! – Just did it twice, same gag in a couple. – Did I tell you that I’m paranoid. – Rattler.
– No! I swear to God, I don’t like that. So the reason I precook everything, is cause if your camping, you don’t want to think,
oh is this chicken done? Just put it on, you give
it the flavor of the earth. – The vegan sausages need
to be heated up, that’s all. – And who wants to sit around the fire and wonder if their potato’s cooked. – I like to sit around
the fire and talk about, I like stories around the fire. – Do the thing, this is the best, it is so subtle, Eddie you’ll love this. When you had to do, I like setting it up– – You gotta move the sausages. – I will, I will, I will.
– No, no, no. They have to be moved
now, they burn easily. – Aw Jesus, in the middle of my story. Can you hold my drink? – If you don’t know
what your doing, I mean. – I know what’s happening. Oh my god, Eddie is absolutely right. – Well they’re vegan sausages, they burn– – Eddie, you’re not gonna have
– Eddie. – Here vegan idiot, here vegan idiot. – How about the burgers. Did you flip the burgers? – [John] That one’s fine. – I tried my hardest. – No, but look at the fuckin’ sausages. – Can I tell you–
– Aw shit. – Eddie you’re not gonna be
eating a lot of food tonight. Can I tell you something Eddie? – Look at the sausages. – No, can we get– – Eddie, I’m gonna slice that– – Now what the fuck are you doing? – I’m gonna slice that– – The pot is cold.
– I’m gonna show you what I’m gonna do. – The pot is cold. – You’re sitting there,
you’re like a parody of a guy that sits there,
and you’re serious. – Please Eddie, please, just
a little bit of respect. – Do we have any ketchup, seriously? – You don’t have condiments? – No we didn’t, I don’t know. – What the fuck? Hold it, he’s got all
this shit and no mustard. – We have to move these. – I’ll tell you what I pictured. – Yeah, get those. – But I don’t know what to put them on. – Why did I put it- – Those can’t be on the fire anymore. I must get another plate. – I’d just rather eat it cold. – [John] I nearly fell right
there, watch that spot. – Let me have a potato and corn. (cans rattling) (acoustic guitar) – I got one for ya. – Most embarrassing moment, I shat, and this was embarrassing,
I shat my pants in class. – Oh my goodness. – And it was on the floor. – So what happened and what
grade were you in, by the way? – I was 35, I was in graduate school. (laughing) – Oh, I thought you were much younger. – No, I was 35, I was in– – I thought you were like
at a really young age. – I was in graduate school, it was in an advanced acting course. – This is even sadder,
this is even sadder– – I was in an advanced acting course, we were doing a– – Can I tell you mine? I do have one.
– I know it’s a lie. – Was yours a lie, be honest? – Well, he was never in advanced acting. – Well, I was a young
kid when it happened. – Couldn’t be an advanced acting class. – It happened, though. – I flunked out of every
grade, every single grade. – [Eddie] Did you? – Yeah, I went from regular schools- – ADD?
– Yeah. They didn’t know what it was. So I went to regular
schools, to resource rooms. Even with straight F’s
you still learn a lot. – I don’t know if you learn a lot. – You don’t. I know math, multiplication tables. I know how to spell. I know how to put periods. – Five times seven. – Five times seven is 35. (laughs) Is that right? – Yes, it is but the look
in your eye was so great. – Because let me tell you something– – I know it, I know it. – You know how I used
to remember the nines? ‘Cause nine times two
is 30, minus two is 28. – Woah, woah, woah,
nine times two is what? – Here’s the key though- – Nine times, I don’t remember. – You just said nine times two is 30. – Let’s not remind me. What was your most
embarrassing moment, honestly? – I was in the third grade and I had an undescended testicle. – Let’s make this clear
what it is to everybody– – Break it down! – who doesn’t know. It’s a testicle that you,
basically is in your mouth. (gentle acoustic guitar) – Eddie, I think you should
wear that hat on stage. I mean, it’s like it could be your thing. – You know what, I’ve been
looking for my thing; for awhile. ♫ It’s Eddie, it’s Eddie,
Eddie Peppitone, with us! – I lost a kid to a boating accident! ♫ Eddie, it’s Eddie! ♫ Eddie, it’s Eddie,
Eddie Peppitone, with us! – Ha, cut it off! – Anybody here suffering in chronic pain? ♫ It’s Eddie, it’s Eddie,
Eddie Peppitone, with us! (laughing) – Hey, one time I fell off a
bike; I needed 40 stitches. ♫ It’s Eddie, it’s Eddie,
Eddie Peppitone, with us! – [Todd] Oh my God! – What?
– Oh boy. – You are one of the most gentlest souls I have ever met. – I think that’s Zack? – Oh hey guys. – Did you know we were
gonna be here seriously? – I heard talking, I just
thought I’d come down, I live in the neighborhood. – Come on down, buddy!
– Hey, buddy! – Hi everyone.
– Was it too far? – Do you have an inhaler?
– Jesus Christ! – Do you like round ice cubes? – Yeah, that’ll work. – You can drive right? – Yeah, hi, how are you?
– Hi Zack, how are you? – Nice to see you.
– Good to see you. – [Zack] Is it okay I sit here? – Do you want to improvise a song? – Um–
– That would be a fun thing– (laughing) – [Zack] I brought Todd a gift. – You brought, what, Todd a gift? – Is that a Polaroid on top? – Zack, how many years ago would
you say this pictures from? – Uh, 18? – We were in an audition and the guy, you know how sometimes
they come into the lobby because no one is doing it right. They’re like, “Okay, whose
here for the whatever?” “He’s not mad; he’s happy!” They’re giving very specific directions like they’ve just watched
20 people do it wrong. So I said to the guy, you
should do it, you’re great. – He goes, to the casting
director, “Oh, you should do it, you should get the job,”
and Todd just leaves. There’s like 13 of us in a room. You know, eagerly, waiting for, okay yeah, what do you need us to
do, and Todd, just says to the casting director,
“You should have it,” and walks out of the room, and I,
I was like, whose this guy? I wanna be like him.
– Oh you didn’t know him at this point?
– No, I saved his Polaroid. – And he sent me a picture
of the Polaroid, but that’s the actual Polaroid, and
you know what, I look good! I wished that I looked good like 10 years later or 15, I’m like, wow! Why wasn’t I getting old? – Why weren’t we loving ourselves when we really had the goods? (laughing) – No because I look back 20
years ago, and I didn’t realize how hot I was. And now I feel like there’s a
deterioration that’s happened. – Yeah, slight, slight. – Slight!
– Slight. At least it’s moving slowly. (gentle acoustic guitar) – Can you add extra outside noise? I think we can make it
seem more campy here. – Sometimes, yeah, it’s important
to make the woods better. – Play a little bit of crickets. – Are we gonna make-pretend
that’s not better? – Bring them down just a little. – I find a man always improves in nature. (laughing) – Oh, I forgot about the
guitar, they’re only 30 dollars and you can just bust
the shit out of them. – Sure, why not. – That’s a 30 dollar guitar. Huh? – Did you buy a 30 dollar
guitar just to bust the shit out of it? – Oh, I’d love to bust up a guitar. ♫ I was singing a song Oh sorry, were you about to say something? I like how my improvised song
was, “I was singing a song.” (laughing) – Go over there and act like
that bothered you so much, just beating the guitar against the tree. – I’ll do it organically. – [Zack] I’m thinking about
getting that new Prius. (laughing) – I just ask the guy that
talks about, he’s the environmental guy that
litters at the same time. (laughter) – Any time, bro, you
throw trash in the woods. – I didn’t even catch that. – I love it up here; it’s
just so, to get away from that L.A. bullshit, (laughter)
it’s just, no it’s nine. – I like that better, that’s better. – Oh there’s another one. – Yeah, I don’t want to really litter. – What if society got so fast
that meals, were just shot out of a gun into your neck, but
you still sit around a table and Thanksgiving dinner is just, bam! – I love that you think
of that, but that’s like, that’s crazy to think– – You think it’s fucking crazy? – Oh, come on!
– Eddie! – You’re a bunch of a fuckin’ idiots! – Eddie!
– No, Eddie, Eddie! – Idiot, idiot, idiot! – Let him blow off the steam. – Eddie? – How dare you fucking asshole! He’s gotta blow off steam,
he’s gotta blow off steam. – Did you know that Jakob
Dylan’s dad was a singer? (laughing) – A what? – Zack, where do you live? – I live on Catalina
Island, I was telling Eddie. Yeah, I live on Catalina,
I gotta get back. The last ferry is at 8 o’ clock. – You don’t! (laughing) – Catalina, you’re not really
going there, of course. I have a theory that it can
feel like you’re in Paris if you want it to. – That would be hard, to
make it feel like Paris. – It just seems like
there’s little streets, there’s cool restaurants,
you have the golf cart. – You know there’s golf carts like Paris. – There’s little side streets
with little cars, bzzz! – They have a stand-up room there. – They did for awhile. – You know who books it? (laughing) – The guy who runs the ferry. – How many minutes can you do? – He’s like, “When I come
back, you better be on stage!” (laughing) – Eddie, I have a favor, can you go over, right near that tent, and would
you act like you camp there, but we hear you, you
don’t think we hear you, like meditating to the canyon. – [Eddie] Don’t let me soak
through the cracks, God! Don’t let me fall into the abyss! Give me strength to get through – We came out here for peace and quiet. – this day! Let me stop – It’s getting louder. – eating sugar! – Why–
– Hey, you nearly done? – What? People are trying to
enjoy themselves here. – Be nice, be nice, be nice, be nice! You’re good, you’re just a little loud. – Some people trying to enjoy
the peace and quiet here. – You’re just a little
loud, it’s okay though. – [Eddie] I’m sorry guys, I didn’t see ya. I’ll tone it down a little
bit, I didn’t see ya. – Alright, thank you! – God! You are gonna get it! (gentle acoustic guitar) – By the way, vegan deserts
are not, they’re good now. I had some brownies the other
night, and I’m like these are good for regular brownies. – How are you gonna open that?
– I don’t know. Okay, there you go, you know what? These are some cookies. – Those are vegan cookies? Ow, ow, ow, ow. – What are they? – Vegan cookies.
– They’re not hot. They’re cold.
– You know what, they’re– (laughing) – I mean if you’re gonna
warm them, warm them. (laughing) – I felt like like, “Oh,
we’re warming the cookies!” – You’re right, you’re right! – Give em’ a nice ol’ coat.
– I know. – Why are we warming cookies,
why don’t we make s’mores? – These are vegetarian cookies for you. – Give him those cookies.
– Can you have s’mores? – I don’t want em’ if they’re cold. – Can you have regular s’mores or no? – [Todd] No. – No, you can’t, there’s
milk in the chocolate, right? – Yeah, you’re right.
– Here’s my idea. – No, I’m asking you.
– You’re right, you’re right! – Okay, thank you. – I don’t like when you go to eat it, the marshmallow comes out,
the chocolate, some people go, oh, that’s part of it, no, it’s annoying. So I had an idea, I only tried
it once the other night at my house, put the graham
cracker in like a tortilla. – I don’t like marshmallow,
would you be upset if I just had the Reese’s with the graham? – How do you not like marshmallow? I’ve never heard that ever. – It’s the most disgusting thing ever, the texture of it, the taste. – But I do have some of this, would you like a little bit of this? – No, I don’t want that.
– That’s okay. – What is it? – It’s marshmallow, again. – I’m gonna cook these off the plate. – Do me a favor too, cook
the snot out of this thing. Like, nice crispy–
– John, I’m with ya. You know what I thought Eddie, would you like another cookie? – Well, if they were slightly warm. – Eddie, they weren’t meant to be warm. I just tried to make them warm. You’re eating the way Whole
Foods intended them to be eaten. – If they weren’t meant to
be warm, what was the whole– – I was just trying to make it nice. (laughing) – That’s what I get.
– You were trying to make it nice by getting me psyched,
– I tried to make it nice. – that it would be a warm cookie? Because warm cookies are terrific. – Guys, can I ask you a question? Can I get in the middle for a second? Would you eat a cold cookie? – I’ve never eaten a
cold cookie in my life! (laughing) – Never in your life, never in your life! – You’re that elitist?
– Never in my life! I don’t give a fuck what
temperature it is outside. I want the cookie hot, or you can blow me. Now that looks terrific. – That’s mine. – [Todd] But you can’t eat it. – I know. – How many cows you think
were killed for that milk? You gotta kill a cow for it’s milk, right? – No. – Like you cut it open and you
drain all the milk out of it? I think that’s how you get milk. I think that’s– – Oh no, goddamn!
– There it is! Now you killed the cow for nothing! – I cannot fucking believe that! – How did that happen though? – It’s the worst thing
that’s ever happened to me. – How did it slip out? – I don’t know. – Carelessness. – I have an idea though, I
have an idea, can I help? – Eddie! – What if I dropped this? – Oh my god. – I would be beside myself. – Can I tell you something? If this was a recipe in a book I’d call it, “Shut the fuck up, good.” – By the way, I feel like a dick! (laughing) – No I’m serious, you guys
are having these things, – How about we’re trying
to have a nice moment? – and you know, why aren’t they heated? – Hey, don’t drop these, huh? – We’re trying to have a nice moment. – You drop those- – Why can’t- – It means that a celery
stalk died for nothing! – Eat one of these fucking things! Pull it out when that’s ready! – Look at that go. – Here we go, now hold on. – Yours can’t be ready yet. – Yes it can be, does
anybody want some of it? It’s so good.
– Just eat it. It’s gonna burn your mouth,
it’s gonna be too hot. – No. Look, it’s everything in there! – Well you put it in there,
it should be in there. I don’t get that, it’s
everything in there. – You open it up, and
look, a bunny rabbit! (acoustic guitar) – They made it, give em’ a round
of applause for walking in! What’s up, JJ? – Not much, good to see you, Todd. – How you doing? I’d give you a hug, but you got
a trumpet, what’s up, Avina? – Hi! – How you doing? Look at Ethan.
– Hey, Todd. – What’s up, buddy? – You guys look great! I saw them play the other
night, they don’t always play together, but they were playing
the other night at El Cid. And I said, we were doing the show, I said, “I know it seems cheesy,
but will you do Kumbaya?” They’re like, “We’ll do Kumbaya!” – It’s a perfect song for camping. – You can’t go camping and not do Kumbaya. So, Avina, Ethan, and
JJ, take it away, guys! (clapping) ♫ Kumbaya, my lord, Kumbaya – You mind if I get completely naked? No, I’m serious, like completely naked– – Everybody loves that. – Do you mind me asking what time it is? Seven, 11! Jesus, I was supposed to leave at am pm! – (grunts) I just killed that chipmunk! – No, you didn’t! (laughs) – I wanna eat it! I was not loved, empty– – How do you get corn on the
outside of your hand like that? – Not being loved, my friend!
– It’s everywhere! – I know people that–
– Fuckin’ idiot! – Alright, he needs to blow
– Come on. off some steam, let him
blow off some steam. – Hey, you can’t just do this– (hooting) – [Owl] I can’t tell you
what hotel I’m staying at, but there are two trees involved. – Stampeding horses, every
third horse cock hit my dad in the face, and you could
hear the “Fwack, fwack!” – I didn’t know the
cocks were up that high– – They’re massive, they swing like crazy! – John, are you being honest? – You know what I think makes a good joke? Just not giving a fuck anymore. (clapping) – Well that’s, it’s not the end
for us, we’re sleeping over. But it’s where we part ways,
guys, take us home, here we go. (trumpet solo) ♫ Kumbaya – [John] Are we still in black? – [Todd] Yes, John, yes,
we’re still in black. They ended the show, I told
them I wanted to have this under the black as the credits roll. – [John] Even when the credits roll? – [Todd] It’s still in black,
we’re all in black right now. They’re hearing our voice,
but they can’t see us. – [John] Why don’t we tell a
joke to make it interesting while it’s in black? – [Todd] I think the thing is,
it goes to black to hear us talk for a second or two,
and it just fades out. – [John] I got one, who comes
down your chimney, gives you presents and bites you? Santa Jaws! (laughing) – [Todd] That’s a good one– – [John] It’s one for under the black! – [Todd] For under the
black, for under the black. – [Eddie] For the black– – [Todd] When I went to my
doctor, I told him I had yellow teeth, he said I
should get a brown neck tie. – [John] Wow! – [Todd] Are we still in the black? – [John] Just end the black. – [Todd] Just end it? – [John] Just say, “That’s it!” – [Todd] Should it come back up to us? – [John] Just once real quick! – [Todd] The person that
watched it this far. Don’t tell me they’re not
like, come back, come back and talk about how good that is. Never been done on television before! – [John] Just come up
real quick, right now, Ed! – [Todd] Come back up to us real quick! Okay, now, and how good is this? – [John] It’s really good! – [Todd] Okay, that’s it. – [John] And go to black! – [Todd] Go to black. – [John] Now are we in black officially? – [Todd] How to end the
show, we’re in black? Are we in black? (trumpet sounds) (jingle)