Captain America’s Advice 2: Planning a Vacation ⛪

Captain America’s Advice 2: Planning a Vacation ⛪


Go, go, Captain America! Hey, there. It’s me, Captain America, trying to make another advice video, since the first one was stolen by Ant-Man. And just in case you were wondering, Ant-Man is right here so that he can’t get into any trouble. Now, I think the Avengerses deserve a vacation, but we already went on a vacation to the beach. We should go somewhere less expensive this time. I know! We should go to a museum, but not just any museum. The Bible Museum! But, I won’t tell any of them where we’re going, because they will not want to come. I’ll just tell them it’s a different kind of Museum. I’ll ask them to meet me at the train station. because we are gonna take the train soon. Okay, Ant-Man. Keep your mouth shut or I’ll squish you like the little bug you are. I really will. I’ll stomp him under my boots. Now, I wonder what Thor and his family are doing. I know Thor’s going to… [stutters]… you know what?
I’m not gonna to invite Thor. He’s a lost cause. He is very delusional and has no connect with reality whatsoever. He thinks he lives in a made-up world called Asgard and that his father is the king. I think that’s just nonsense. Unfortunately, I have to be nice to him because otherwise his stepsister Wonder Woman (that’s my girlfriend) will see, and she will be mad and not want to date such a mean guy such as me. Odin: I’m gonna beat your butt! This one’s for looking up my skirt!
Loki: [cries and screams]
Odin: Ha! No! This one? That one’s for smearing poop on the walls. [laughs] Odin: This one’s for looking up Thor’s skirt!
Loki: Ow, stop! Stop! Hippolyta: Maybe we should stop.
Valkyrie: Yeah, because I want a turn, too! Looks like fun!
Odin: It’s not fun. It’s punishment. Valkyrie: But I deserve it; I’m always drunk!
Odin: Go away! I can’t understand you. Humph! Don’t call me names! I didn’t call her names. [laughs] This one’s for eating without my permission. This one is for taking off your clothes to go to sleep. [laughs] Odin: This one’s for always smelling bad.
Loki: Daddy! Daddy! Please! I’ll be good! I promise! Odin: No! No!
Loki: [whimpers] I still got one more left. This one’s for sitting in my lap and trying to pull on my beard. Loki: Ow! Ow! I’m gonna run away from home! Odin: Good! Run away from home! I hate you! It’ll just give me more time to spend with my wife and my real son and my real daughter. [Odin laughs] I’m not your real daughter. You never had a daughter. I’m just your stepdaughter. You can also spend time with me, sweetie. Hi, I’m Terry. Terry?! Odin: I thought your name was Karen. Valkyrie: Oh, I don’t remember my name, so I make up a new one each day. And today, it’s Terry. Odin: Okay, Terry. Go to work.
You work here now.
Valkyrie: Yes, sir, I’ll be back. Odin: [laughs] I have driven off my best worker! Diana: I’m just gonna go out for a little walk. Okay, daddy?
Odin: Sure, whatever. Odin: I’ll just spend it with my son.
Valkyrie: And me?
Odin: Shut it! Shut it now! Disgusting drunk lady. Go, go Captain America! Wonder Woman is here! I’m your girlfriend and I definitely don’t have a crush on any other guys. Just you! Captain America, go, go! Thanks for coming, Wonder Woman. Would you like to go on vacation with me? Sure! I’d love to be with my boyfriend! That’s great! Diana: No, I hear my brother coming!
Cap: Your brother?
Diana: Loki. Loki: [squeals] Help! Daddy’s abusing me!
Cap: That’s not abuse! You deserved it, you doodoo head. Tell me what you did. Loki: [cries] I don’t wanna tell you!
Cap: I bet it was something bad.
Diana: It was bad. He was into other people’s personal space and smearing poop on the walls again. Yes again.
Cap: Please tell me it’s not his poop
Diana: No. It’s horse poop. Cap: Ugh!
Diana: He loves those horses a bit too much, doesn’t he? Absolutely. Wherever you’re going, can I come?
I want to get away from my dad! Sure! We’re going to the train station. Go, go, Captain America. Diana: Please don’t talk robotically.
Cap: OK, I won’t. My head’s shaking.
Diana: Cuz you’re a bobblehead! That’s cuz you’re from Marvel. If you were from DC Comics, you would have a head that can rotate. But you don’t! [laughs musically] Cap: Stop!
Diana: No! I wanna laugh at you because you’re so pathetic! Cap: I thought that you were in love with me.
Diana: I am! Diana: But that just gives me a right to make fun of you!
Cap: No, actually it doesn’t. You’re messed up, Wonder Woman. [Diana giggles] Cap: Well, how are we ever going to get married, if you-
Diana: Married? I’m not gonna marry you! Cap: Then, why are we even dating?
Diana: We’re in love.
Cap: Well, if we’re in love, we should get married. Diana: No, no, Captain America, not right now.
Cap: Maybe later? Diana: Maybe.
Cap: [sings about going to the train station]
Loki: [hums] Cap: Hello, Doctor Strange! We are going on a vacation; would you like to come to the train station with us?
Strange: Well, I guess I could use a vacation. Cap: Alright! Join the line!
Strange: Yay! [laughs] He didn’t need any sort of extra motivation. He just wants to go. I love people that are easily convinced. Loki: Me, too! My brother is extremely gullible! That’s why I play pranks on him! Cap: So then, then you deserve to be spanked You play a prank, you get a spank!
Diana: That’s what daddy (old father Odin) says! Loki: Fava Odin! He’s such a bad daddy!
Cap: No, he’s really not ! He’s a good daddy! Tony: Here I come! What did you want?
Cap: Ew! Tony? What are you doing here? This trip is for Avengerses only, and you are not on the list of Avengerses! Well, excuse me, but I see Loki, and he’s not an Avengerses… Avenger… Avengers? Uh, yeah, we didn’t really think this name through. Okay, wherever you’re going, I guess I’ll go too. That’s good. It’ll be really good for you, where we’re going. You can learn some important stuff on our trip. Tony: Okay, I just hope I can get drunk while I’m there also.
Diana: No! No! You’ve been doing so good! Tony: [vomits] I’m drunk right now, I think. Cap: [scoffs] What a failure! Diana: Yeah, he’s like Terry the castle lady.
Cap: Who’s Terry? Well, she’s drunk, and always drunk and intoxicated and inebriated and very drunk. She drinks a lot of….
Cap: Shut up! Cap: He’s crying!
Strange: Just let it happen. Hawkeye is here! Hello! What are you guys up to? Well, Hawkeye, we were going on a vacation; would you like to come? Unfortunately, I’m working on my archery right now. It’s important. Well, maybe afterwards we can go to an archery range, okay? Ah, fine. Clint: But what if I get an urge?
Cap: You’ll have to control your urges. We’re going to the train station. No archery is allowed on the train. But this bow is permanently touching my hand. I want to do archery all the time Wait a minute. Why is he… Don’t ask about it. He’s out of his mind right now, but I know I’ll be able to make him better. Cap: He just needs a good vacation.
Clint: Well, hopefully it’s better than that beach vacation.
Cap: Oh, it will be, Hawkeye. It will be. Clint: Huh. I hope it’s not one of your weird cult things.
Cap: Excuse me, but I’m not in a cult. Clint: Whatever.
Cap: Now, you’re starting to sound like Tony.
Clint: Well, somebody has to. Tony: [falls down]
Cap: Yeah, I guess so. Hey! Hey! Wonder Woman! It’s your good buddy, Flash! Zip, zip, zoom! Flash! Awesome! Flashtastic! Woohoo! Okay. Yep, that’s your friend from the Justice League. Oh, yeah, we’re from DC Comics. DC Comics Ugh! Everyone stop knocking each other over! How are we supposed to get to the train station if we keep knocking each other over? Ugh! This is so annoying. Why does no one listen to Cap? Diana: I’m listening.
Cap: Well, you’re my girlfriend, so you should listen to me. Whoa, guys! Mr. Stark told me you’re going on vacation. Can I come too? He’s my role model! That means I have to do whatever he does.
Cap: Well, if he’s your role model, you’re in trouble. Oh, please! Captain America, I’m your biggest fan. And I’m also Iron Man’s biggest fan. Impossible! You could never love both Captain America and Iron Man. We are two different people. Tony: I think that you should stay.
Spider-Man: Yeah, adopt me, Mr. Stark! Tony: No.
Spider-Man: But you’re rich. You can do it.
Tony: I don’t want to. Fine, be like that. Cap: Oh, there you are, up on your feet!
Tony: Yeah, for now. As soon as we get on the train. I’m gonna have a nice little cocktail. Please, please, don’t. Tony: Hey Peter, buddy.
Spider-Man: Don’t call me Peter. Shh. I’m Spider-Man, as far as everyone else is concerned. Tony: Nope. I’m afraid we all know your identity.
Spider-Man: Darn it! Tony: But, it’s okay though… if you want to stay with us forever.
Cap: Yeah, that’s a great idea! Wasn’t I rejected for being too young? Tony: Well, we let all kinds of garbage people in here anyway. We got people from DC Comics.
Diana: You mean D C – C O M I C S! Flash: Flashtastic!
Diana: No… Tony: And we have the tiny guy.
Ant-Man: Hey, my name is Ant-Man and Captain America is threatening to crush me to death. Tony: Why?
Ant-Man: Because he hates me.
Tony: Well, that’s too bad. I like you [CRUSH!]
Diana: No! No! No! You killed Ant-Man! Ant-Man is still alive! I may be as small as an ant, but I am still a human and I can survive like a human. Diana: You probably broke his back!
Tony. Whatever. Ow. It’s hopeless. He’s too drunk to stand up. Why are we taking him with us? Because, because of… reasons! Good reasons! Ha ha! Everyone’s falling down hey Spider-Man will stand up. What about you, Doctor Strange? Uh-huh. I have a lens flare on me. Loki: Oh… Loki’s all bruised up! My father did this to me! I got bruises on my jaws, because whenever I said something ugly, he punched me in the mouth! Diana: I think that’s funny
Spider-Man: Me, too!
Strange: Me, too Loki: [squeals and whines]
Cap: [laughs] That’s good. Maybe then you’ll learn some real life lessons. |
Loki: Oh, no! It’s an educational trip? It’s a secret! Oh, look over there! It is the black PANTHER?! No, no, not you. Go away, I don’t like you. The Black Widow! This is one of my friends from the Avengers. Hello… …sweetie. Cap: She will go with us, right?
Black Widow: Well, only with my boyfriend.
Cap: Which one? You have two! Black Widow: Either one.
Clint: Well, that’s great, because Hawkeye’s here.Hi, I’m Hawkeye Black Widow: I know. Oh my gosh. This is pathetic. I need a break from being an assassin though. Diana: Hi, girl!
Black Widow: Oh, hey! Clint: Of course the two girls would be friends with each other. Of course.
Cap: Well,to be fair Hawkeye, they are the only two girls. I’m the only kid on here. I’m only 15. Wow! Mr. Stark! Adopt me! No! I already said no! That’s not how this works, though. This is not how anything works. Okay, is that everyone? Can we head to the train station already? Spider-Man: Oh, I don’t know!
Captain America is thinking. Let Cap think. Kevin: Hello.
Cap: Get out.
Kevin: Bye. Yep, we have everyone. Let us get onto the train. Spider-Man: I fell onto the train tracks; the train is gonna hit me!
Cap: No, it’s not. Just get up I’m just kidding. I can’t actually fall onto the train tracks. I would be dead if that happened. You shouldn’t joke around like that, Spider-Man. Even if no one believed you, it wasn’t a very nice thing to joke about. And Loki also needs to not joke about how his father’s treating him. Loki: What do you think the bruises are from?!
Cap: I don’t know… you’re clumsy? Lok: No, my father hits me in the jaws and mouth because I say ugly things.
Cap: Well,there you go. You deserved it. You said ugly things. What kind of ugly things did you say? Loki: [makes extremely annoying noises that vaguely resemble singing] Okay, I think I get it. Did I just see an idiot? I did! I did see an idiot! Tony, stop knocking other people over just because you’re drunk. I’ll just lie down on the floor on the train.
Cap: Sure. I don’t care if you catch diseases from it. Go, Go, Captain America! Flash: Flashtastic!
Cap: Please don’t say that ever again.
Spider-Man: I’m so glad to be one of you guys now! Aunt May will never know where I went! Let’s see how many of us are here. There are 10 of us. 10 people ready to go on vacation. Attention! Attention, all passengers. The train is not working. We are experiencing difficulties and everyone needs to get off, otherwise the train’s probably gonna explode or something like that. Ah-ah-ah! Guys! Hurry! Hurry up and get off the train before it explodes or something like that! Ah!
Diana: [screams] Now…. how are we gonna go on vacation, now? Cap: This is very bad.
Strange: Well, to be fair, we did already go on one recently. We went to the beach. Guys, I know someone who has it. They have a bus that can fit, like, 20 people. Nope! Needs to fit 10! NEXT!! But what’s wrong with it fitting 20? We could all fit in there, huh? No. It needs to fit 10. Cap: Flash can run though, so…
Strange: I don’t understand. You don’t have to fill up all the seats. Cap: Shut up.
Strange: This man has no logic. I don’t need the attitude. This is for a church. Strange: A church?
Cap: No, I’m just kidding, haha. Black Widow: Well, it better not be, or I get off.
Tony: So would I.
Cap: Nope. It’s not, guys. We’re going to a museum in the city. We live in the city, in New York City, except for me! nice SpiDER-man! Cap: Okay. Let’s all vote on whether or not this guy should…
Strange: No. He should probably not drink any energy drinks ever again. That’s right. I drink two energy drinks a day. Cap: Oh! Oh!
Diana: Ooh! T’Challa! Black Panther: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!
Diana: Can you please help us? You’re so handsome! Ummm… get that sword out of my face.
Diana: [whines] Guys, it’s a miracle! The Black Panther has arrived and he will provide transportation to our vacation destination. Black Panther: I have a van. Everybody get in. Cap: Okay, but you randomly doing us favors is not going to get you on t-team. Black Panther: T-team? Did you just say… [laughs in disbelief] Cap: I messed up, okay? Please don’t mess up ever again. I have a sword and I’m willing to stab anyone. Okay, okay, let’s not all get grumpy. This way to the van. You know what? I’m sick of this! You guys just go on without me, okay? Tony (offscreen): Well, I’m worried that Captain America will have figured out my secret plan… Loki: Well, to be fair, you’re not very good at keeping secrets.
Black Panther: Also, the van has reclining seats. Feel free to use them. Shut up! Learn to speak English properly, or don’t say anything to us at all! Diana: Captain America! That’s so rude!
Black Widow: Yeah, he agreed to drive us to our vacation spot! This Captain America’s really mean. I think he’s possessed or something Isn’t he supposed to be like a nice guy? Yeah, boo! Spider-Man: Maybe we should never do anything he says, ever again.
Black Widow: Yeah, we should listen to me. I’m the one who started this whole organization.
Ant-Man: I’m Ant-Man. I’m tiny! I don’t want him on our team. It’s as simple as that.
Black Panther: Vroom, vroom. An hour later… We’re still in the van? It’s a long trip. Hey, I hear something. Cap: You’re taking us to the spot that I asked, right?
Black Panther: Whisper it in my ear. Oh, yeah, yeah. I’ll look out the window and see if there’s anybody there. Here comes Iron Man, flying right alongside your van, because he’s bored, has nothing to do, Iron Man will come save you. Iron Man! x3 Stop! Stop! Stop the van. Uh…whatever your name is. He just went in through the window! What is going on here? Spider-Man: I don’t know, but you’re red like me so we have to stick together for comfort and friendship.
Flash: No I mean no. Black Panther: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!
Tony: Oh, great! Cap: His voice changed ?! Black Panther: Yeah! This is called interrogation mode! Oh! I have one, too! Did Mr. Stark, by any chance, build that? No! I build all my own stuff, and I’m definitely not lying because I’m embarrassed to admit the truth. Flash: Okay guys, I thought this video was gonna have a plot, but it’s really going off the rails right now. Diana: Agreed. Diana: Maybe we should just end it and pretend it ever happened
Flash: I don’t know. I am kind of enjoying it Anyway we’re almost there.
Diana: [squeals about Batman] How do I turn this mode off? Iron Man will join you guys. Strange: Wait a minute! If you’re back here with us, who’s driving the van?
Black Panther: It’s a self-driving van. made with secret technology that I’m not gonna explain.
Black Widow: Okay, then… Valkyrie: Hi, guys, can I… Diana: How’d she get here?
Iron Man: Uh, well, um… Hey… …it’s a secret. I was temporarily banned from the castle, so I was teleported to Midgard and I just happened to land in your van. Yeah, she’s drunk. Alright, everyone, we are here at your favorite location, the Bible museum! Iron Man: What?! Captain America, is this really idea of vacation?
Cap: Yep! You want to fight me on it?
Iron Man: Oh yeah, I want to fight! Go, Go, Captain America! And that’s how you plan a vacation, guys! Just like that! Goodbye!

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