IAN: All right, listen up campers. Some of our rituals may seem a
little weird to outsiders, but we respect…TRADITION! First off, that camp across the lake,
we hate their guts. Why? Because they’re our rivals! Um, my brother goes to that camp,
and I like him. It’s a science camp for
handicapped kids. RESPECT THE TRADITION!!! RESPECT IT!!! Alright, let’s gather all the teepee we can,
and teepee the hell out of their camp. Make sure to get it really high so they
can’t reach with their stupid wheelchairs. Every Summer Camp Ever. Hey, Counselor Lauren!
What are you doing? Counselor Mike is so hot. *yo-yo sounds* Wait, you think he’s hot? Well like “camp hot.” Ow. Crap. *yo-yo sounds* OLIVIA: Oh, okay. I see what you mean. *sighs* ♫ Summer camp, my Lord. ♫ Dearest Mother, *sad pioneer music*
I miss the comforts of home. More than that, I miss your face. Father’s too. *sad pioneer music* I think I’m beginning to forget
what you look like. MOM: Jordan? It’s a day camp.
We haven’t even left the garage yet. JORDAN: All day? I forgot my toothbrush! So then you just tie the bead
to the end of the friendship bracelet, and then give it to a friend. What if I don’t have a friend? Oh, don’t say that! This is Camp Apachakee! Where all you have to do
to get a friend is ask! Do you want to be my friend? Awwwww… No. You’re weird. Hey guys, check this out! *puffs feather* *laughter* *puffs feather* *laughter* How come there’s no winter camp? You’re my best friend,
I’m gonna miss you so much! Aww. I’ll call you, and I’ll write you
every day so you don’t forget me. *soft voice* Okay. Bye! Bye, Katie! Oh man! That’s a girl I like. Oh. Forgot my hat. Katie! You’re back! Um, who are you? *sad music* I’m Jordan. From Summer Camp. Let’s go skinny-dipping in the river! Jane, you’re 12. Alright campers, we’re outside,
we gotta drain our tanks, So we’re going pee right in this bush. *zipper opening* Hold on, you know that’s
Poison Oak, right? Poison Oak dick is tradition! Respect the tradition! *peeing* Always. RESPECT IT!!! Hey Brad. Oh hey Katie, do you wanna be my girlfriend? Uhm… Real life girlfriend, or “Camp girlfriend?” Just camp, which means that
we’ll like hold hands during free time until my
palms get too sweaty and I’ll carve your initials
into a tree but I’ll get it wrong because I don’t know your last name and when I get home I’ll tell my
friends about you and they wont believe me. Cool. I won’t kiss you,
but you can tell everyone else that we got to second base. Yeah. Cool. Uhm… See you later, girlfriend. Bye. YEAH!!! *whack* I think Elroy likes you. Elroy is the dog. All right who’s ready to
sing the Camp Apachakee song? We are! What about you newbie? Yeah! All right! ♫ We killed the Injuns ♫ ♫ and took their land! ♫ ♫ Apachakee! Apachakee! ♫ ♫ We wear their headdresses ♫ ♫ because we can ♫ ♫ Apachakee! Apachakee! ♫ ♫ We strike down in court ♫ ♫ their legal claims. ♫ ♫ Apachakee! Apachakee! ♫ ♫ We openly mispronounce their names! ♫ ♫ Apachakee! Apachakee! ♫ ♫ We made this camp on their dead bodies! ♫ ♫ Apachakee! Apachakee! ♫ ♫ And now their ghosts ♫ ♫ wait in the trees ♫ ♫ To kill us when we GO. TO. SLEEP! ♫ *laughter* Oh, that’s good! All right everyone have a good time! Try to get some rest! Uh, Lauren – Do you want to get a drink
– Yes. Yes. and check out my van? *ghostly music* Why did we build a camp
on their dead bodies? *ghostly music* Let’s tell scary stories! No! I wet my pants! – Lauren!
– AH! Haha! Got you! Haha! Uh, so yeah anyway uhm… End of Camp Dance is coming up I thought maybe you
want to go with me. No, you’re weird! Right, yeah yeah, cool cool cool. Uhm… Yeah, y’know, way to respect the tradition. Uhm… Alright, have fun… have fun grilling. Every Summer Camp Ever. Thank you guys so much for watching! If you want to see Big What If: Millennials,
click the box on the left. Or if you want to watch Big What If: YouTubers,
click that box on the right. ♫ Kumbayaaa, my Lord ♫ ♫ Kumbayaaaaaaaaa ♫ Is — what is kumbayaa means, anyway? – I think it means buttface?
– Buttface? – Buttface, my Lord?
– Yep.

100 thoughts on “EVERY SUMMER CAMP EVER

  1. I just went to 5th grade camp,and that’s not poison oak because it has green leafs and other sticks are growing out of other sticks and if your in California,poison oak,and other states poison ivy

  2. Wwe is a joke but I can't stand it anymore I just got a little bit of a machine if you can get them 3to and then beyond that I believe in

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