All right, summer break means doing nothing but sitting back, relaxing, and my job at the Taco Bungalow starts tonight. I hate my life. (knocking) Pizza delivery! Hey man. Ugh. Finally! Uh, that’ll be $43.50. Ugh, where’s my sauce? Uh, I… wasn’t given any sauce. I ordered sauce! Uh… Listen, man, if I didn’t get any sauce, I can’t give you any sauce. Are you sure you ordered it? Ian Hecox: Why don’t you have my sauce?! I’m just the delivery guy, bro! NO SAUCE, YOU’RE LOSSSSSSS!!! *SLAM* Honestly, the nicest customer I’ve had all day. This is supposed to be my summer break, but I’m working! Hi Lizzie! Thank you for coming on such short notice! Yeah. Your mother says you’re a great babysitter. Yeah! Totally! Uh, where’s the baby? What the heck, mom, I don’t need a babysitter! Wait, Taylor? From Algebra class? Mom, you hired my classmate?! Okay, well, once you prove you’re responsible enough, then you can be home alone. Okay, bye!! I’M SEVENTEEN YEARS! OLD I DON’T NEED A BABYSITTER! My god. (sigh) Anyways, um, I pooped in my pants so… Ugh, got a summer job tutoring kids in math. Be grateful! Man, I can’t find a summer job anywhere! Have you found anything? Actually, I got hired as a lifeguard at a retirement home. I didn’t know retirement homes had pools… Oh, they don’t. *SPLAT* WOMAN DOWN! WE’VE GOT A WOMAN DOWN! *TWEET* HUFF, HUFF NO! NO! *Exhale* UGH! LIVE, DAMMIT, LIVE! Ugh, huuuh hahah Huah *Loud Breathing* Broccoli cheddar day strikes again. *BANG* NOOOOOOOO!!! How you doing on mac and cheese, Margaret? You need more? Yeah. I’m a lifeguard at the local pool. Maybe you should drown some time. Ooh! SAWEET! I love this job! I get to watch a ton of movies for free! Alright first up is… that Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson movie where he’s punching an earthquake! *SLICE* Perfect! *Sentimental Music* I’ve watched 5,000 Dwayne the Rock Johnson movies. Somebody kill me. My summer job is stripping! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Hey Dad? Nancy and I want to open a lemonade stay in this summer. Well, it’s going to take a lot of hard work! You’ll have to build the stand yourself and… squeeze lemons all day! Well okie dokie! Hey dad, Natalie and I want to open a lemonade stand! Well, it’ll take a lot of hard work. First, you’ll have to apply for a business permit, then form an LLC, then hire a CPA… [Utter confusion and nonsense] Also, you’ll need to squeeze lemons all day. Yeah… Nevermind. Only 28.32 hours away from my Nikes! Focus your strength, and you’ll be finished in no time! I’m learning karate, right? That’s why you’re not paying me? Yeah… (Totally) Racist little bastard. What? What? I’ve been a camp counselor at Camp Silly Huckus for 16 years! *knock* Hello! Good afternoon, sir. We’re selling candy bars for children in need! Well, isn’t that a noble cause. *Pulls out sum moneh :D* Here you go! Oh, nice! We can almost get an Xbox now! Hold on, I thought you said this was for kids in need! Yeah, we’re kids in need… …of an Xbox Here you go. *TOSS* *CATCH* Don’t have to have a summer job because my parents give me allowance! Guess what?! While you all were being lazy bags of sh*t all summer, I worked my ass off ten hours a day and earned just enough money to buy this brand-new iPhone! BOOM!! Wow. Good for you dude! Yeah, and since I didn’t buy insurance for it, I was able to get this smoothie instead. So suck on tha- ACHOO! *DROP* *CRACK* Well, at least I still have my smoothi- ATCHOO! *SPILL* [Complete disbelief and sadness] Every summer wasted ever. I have a line! [Laughter] Olivia Sui: Well you went along with it. I’m so confused. Well, at least I still have my smoothie so- *B**** slap=1 hit KO* the eff, Emma? I used to be in the movies! Stop touching me, Agatha. (Huh? Did something happe-) (Hey- My hair ; – 😉 (Am I alive?) (Nope, still dead.) [Laughter] [Laughs] I’m sorry! *Unintelligible* [Laughter] Well, it’s gonna be a lot of hard work, slugger. I don’t know why I said that. Slugger! [Laughter] Take your candy bar! AUGH, AGH! Right in the blowhole! Ahah, aaah! He has ADHD! That’s not cool! Well, hopefully it fixed it! Ah! I’m in need now! He said I’m in need now. Ah!! Yo, thank you guys so much for watching. Click the box on the left to watch Every Instagram Celebrity Ever. Or click the box on the right to watch Every Vacation Ever. Ooh, get yo money, booboo! Ooh! [Captions originally by Potatoenesss] [Captions edited by DougyFresh03] [Captions reviewed by min suga] Potatoeness: Bye y’all! DougyFresh03: I hope you all are having an amazing summer! Potatoeness:

100 thoughts on “EVERY SUMMER JOB EVER

  1. That’s basically happened to me when I was 13. Had a babysitter from my friends sister who was a whooping 3 yrs older than me. My mom was scared to leave me in the house all alone at night. That’s when I learned to smoke cigarettes. Thanks mom

  2. Did you guys seriously try to change the name of the candy boxes just to not get copyrighted….taking extra procedures for no company BS I see

  3. As a caregiver at an elderly memory care facility… random face in the cereal/soup DOES happen… (but no one died)

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