Guards N’ Retards: The Vacation

Guards N’ Retards: The Vacation


“Normal” (Glitchy Boy & SMG4 Intro) Swagmaster: AW GROSS GET THAT SHIT OUT OF HERE!! (LOL IT IS VARIANTED) You guys thought I was gone? YOU CAN’T GET RID OF ME1111!!1 RUN THE INTRO, BITCHES! (Meanwhile at FrEsH SpAgHeTti TuBBie…) Guard’s N’ Retards (Bringing this back again) (R0LL CALL) Chris!!! ded (UH OH! RETARD ALERT!) And…. Swagmaster6969696969. (Teletubbies) PO ALERT Know what fuck it Le intro ends Swagmaster: HOLY TITS IT’S BEEN WAY TOO LONG Swagmaster (again): NOW MANY OF YOU MAY BE ASKING WHERE THE HELL WE WERE FOR THE LAST YEAR WELL IT ALL STARTED WHEN WE WERE AT THE AIRPORT (oh no, not the airport) (seriously, don’t screw around at the airport) Swagmaster: WOOO VACATION, BITCHES! TIME TO PARTAAAY AND GET PISS DRUNK!!!! *swagmaster screwing around* Chris: Jesus H Christ… my first vacation in years… *swagmaster still screwing around* and it has to be with this asshole. (that, correct) *seriously, swagmaster, stop screwing around* U F U K I N W O T (Goddamnit, Chris, you triggered Swagmaster) Swagmaster: Don’t lie to yourself, Chris. (don’t try it, man) You love me, don’t you? (you’re pushing it, man) Don’t you, Chris. (You’re on thin ice) YOU’RE GAY FOR ME CHRIS- (alright you’re screwed) Chris: NO! I’m here… Because you’re a mentally challenged s h i t h e a d and by law, you need a guardian so you don’t blow up anything. damn chris, that hit ha- Swagmaster: LOL YOU’RE GAY FOR ME CHRIS I’M TELLING EVERYONE (never mind that didn’t hit at all) Chris: For fucks sakes… why do i even bother? c’ mon we have to go through security now Swagmaster: OH FUCK YEAH IT’S MY PEOPLE(yeah right, swagmaster) *musiks* Swagmaster: Look at all those security scrubs, I bet they aren’t as good as me Chris: You’re right. They aren’t a big piece of shit like you. OOOOOOHHH #Roasted HEY ๐Ÿ™ Swagmaster: Lol, hopefully they don’t find the bomb. Chris: WAIT WTF LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU FELL FOR- Fuking RING RING RING Congratulations! You just won a… WTF?! Guard: dufuq? … CHRIS I AM ASHAMED OF YOU!>:( (swagmaster wtf) Angery Chris: WHAT!? Swagmaster: I TOLD YOU NOT TO BRING YOUR ROCKET LAUNCHERS HERE! Swagmaster: I TOLD YOU NOT TO BRING YOUR ROCKET LAUNCHERS HERE!
Chris: Oh Christ, here we go. THEY ARE NOT A TOY! GET HIM, FELLAS! HE’S THE ONE YOU WANT! LOOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLILOLBETLOLTHISLOLISLOLCOVERINGLOLUPLOLTHELOLSCREENLOLFORLOLYOULOLMUSTLOLBELOLIRRITATINGLOLHUH?LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOL But you can just turn off subtitles, you know that, right? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO Chris: Fuck me. (No, fuck Swagmaster.) le map (What a bootiful plane!) (OOOOOOO FLORIDA) *Crash* DAMN THIS PLACE IS LIT YOU SEE CHRIS WE MADE IT IN ONE PIECE AND IT WAS ALL BECAUSE THE AIRPORT SECURITY LIKE ME are you serious we only got off because I convinced them you were mental patient C’ MON CHRIS STOP BEING AN ASSMUNCHER AND GET IN THE CAR *sigh* YEAH BITCH YEAH BITCH YEAH BITCH HOTEL HOTEL HOTEL I BET IT’S A 5 STAR HOTEL WITH A PENTHOUSE VIEW OF THE WHOLE CITY don’t expect anything grand, we don’t have much money I BET THERE’S GONNA BE BUTLERS AND HOOKERS, HOOKER BUTLERS AND GOLDEN TOILETS (Sounds lit) CHRIS AM I GONNA HAVE A GOLDEN TOILET ๐Ÿ˜€ what no don’t be- OH MY GOD THE FIRST THING I’M GONNA DO IS TAKE A SHIT AND IT IS GONNA BE THE BEST SHIT OF MY LIFE (well shit.) Chris: We’re here WHERE? I DON’T SEE IT! IS THE HOTEL BEHIND THIS SHITTY PIECE OF GARBAGE BUILDING IN FRONT OF US? oh man it’s not too bad in here! U wanna bet, Chris? SHIT CHRIS THIS PLACE SUCKS LOOK AT HOW SMALL THIS ROOM IS I’VE TAKEN SHITS BIGGER THAN THIS ROOM>:( swag i told you, we can’t afford anything flashy. this place is fine besides, its not like we’re going to spend much time here anyway THAT’S RIGHT WE’RE HITTING THE BEACHES AND NIGHTCLUBS RIGHT? yeah that’s right, it’ll be fun man! ๐Ÿ˜€ YEAH BITCHES LET’S DO THIS SHIT *le groovy 70’s disco music* (smexy as hell) i swear to god you better not sing in public 🎵 WELL YOU CAN TELL BY THE WAY I MOVE MY SWAG 🎵 🎵 I AM A SEXY MAN 🎵 🎵 NO TIME TO GAG 🎵 🎵 WHETHER YOU’RE A DUMB WITT OR REALLY NEED TO TAKE A SHIT 🎵 🎵 YOU’RE STAYING SWAG 🎵 🎵 STAYING SWAG 🎵 🎵 FEEL YOUR BOOTY SHAKING 🎵 🎵 AND EVERYONE’S EYES BREAKING 🎵 🎵 YOU’RE STAYING SWAG 🎵 🎵 STAYING SWAG 🎵 ah Ah AH ⍲ℋ 🎵 STAYING SWAAAAAAG 🎵 please anybody take him i can’t stand him anymore jesus christ my ears are bleeding YOU DON’T HAVE TO HIDE YOUR FEELINGS CHRIS I KNOW YOU LOVED IT YOU WANT TO HEAR MY 10 HOUR EXTENDED REMIX? CHRIS? ah…just what I needed. some peace and quiet. *sound of 1000 car alarms going off, also known as a seagull noise* OH THERE YOU ARE CHRIS HAVING FUN BEING A LAZYASS piss off (heY tHatS NOt vERy NiCE) GET YOUR ASS UP I BOUGHT SOME ICE CREAM FOR US OOOOOOOOO S A V A G E god dammit swag what the hell? LOL WHAT I THINK YOU LOOKED GOOD YOUR SALTY ASS COULD USE SOMETHING SWEET IN YOUR LIFE AS WELL my god why won’t this lump of cancer go away go play in the ocean or something THE OCEAN? NO I CAN’T DO THAT! THE OCEAN HAS JELLYFISH AND SHARKS AND CTHULHU AND SHIT IN THERE that is the dumbest thing i’ve ever heard NO IT’S REAL CHRIS!!! HAVE YOU EVER SEEN SHARK TALE?! THAT SHIT SCARS A MAN (Mohter of god!) D: ugh well I think that girl over there just winked at you *giggling* O FUCK YEAH THE OCEAN CAN’T STOP A BONER YEAH BOIIIIIIII thank god OH HEY THERE BBY I DIDN’T SEE YOU THERE DID IT HURT WHEN YOU FELL FROM HEAVEN BABY? CAUES YOUR FACE LOOKS LIKE IT GOT SMASHED IN! (Really?…) Bikini Biatch: dafuq? WAIT SHIT I MEAN YOU HAVE A FACE OF AN ANGEL OR SOME SHIT BBY: WOW! What an azzhole! (Gee, you don’t say?!) OH MY FUCKING GOD SOMEBODY HELP !!! Lifeguard: Get ready, lady! OH NO YOU DON’T BITCH SHE’S MINE Bam BRING ME THAT ASS SHIT SHIT SHIT I FORGOT I COULDN’T SWIM OH GOD COME HERE BITCH I NEED TO FLOAT I DON’T WANT TO DIE HOLD STILL YOU NEED TO HELP ME LIVE COUGH COUGH AH MAN THE HELL HAPPENED don’t you die on me OH FUCK CHRIS I DON’T LIKE YOU LIKE THAT PISS OFF oh thank god, you’re alive now i don’t have to pay for your funeral or anything HAHA I KNEW YOU WERE GAY YOU WOULDN’T LIE TO ME BITCH YOU WERE ALL LIKE “nah no way i am gay” oh yeah subtitles aren’t finished yet so please turn them off now HELP NEEDED Hungry men get underwear that’s my one weakness run Chris Rutter not damaged slimy Are you getting D. Why would you should’ve I came and I get shot in rucastles all the time that guy’s just a pussy Hell yeah! Quick Chris! Over here! I have an idea! Oh my god, dude, but you gotta run. Godzilla is attacking the city and don’t take your car, please Okay fuck in the car. Oh you can say Ms excessive in the fucking car Jesus Christ swag what have you done? I don’t want to go to prison on portraits swag just save your house. Where’s my thank you? Thank you slide for making us eat it gives you bitch plug you’re welcome Christopher quit ah fuck Oh my god, no so smooth paul gondry cos. I plenty t5i noctus Please help, I’m being held hostage. I do not know this man of my big floppy And points to Gryffindor motherfucker, holy shit, you are actually a cycle. I want off year now given My life oh Jeez my head no that motion log mod my score Chris. I am so close to strangling you swagman They said no time for your bullshit because we not go Quick let’s light in here no swag I’m fucking done your stupid-ass idea is not as in this mess in the first place I am going to get us out of this. Okay fine genius. What do you want to do turn your silken? Shit okay fine in here all that you Howdy there officers, how are you doing today? Holy shit, did you see what they did to that poor attractive woman might on it, we actually lost him Jeff now It’s time to hit the clubs. Let’s go get some bitches. I’m going back to the hotel What already crystal party has just started let’s go to the nightclubs Have you pray clean, and maybe even some sexy ladies if I feel like sharing? they Chris please Chris please This is wisdom Jay Rodriguez. You’re welcome here right now lots of affect. That’s not even my name Fucking Mara the shot Chris don’t go who’s gonna be my wingman. I wouldn’t be your wingman. Even if you paid me fine Who’s going to be the ugly friend? Who’s kind of make me look like a sexy move all? Holiday okay ever since this vacation I had to bail you out on the airport listen to your shitty sons you almost night And now we a wanted felons don’t forget my the local police car Thought you had done Cuz cuz wait, I want to tell you something ugh. What what is it? Um? I’m Pregnant Chris, I’m Greg Mendell here the father She’s Jesus that walk back alone was probably the best part of his entire trip now to sleep and hopefully when I wake up he’ll be In the gutter drunk for arresting me Maybe I must have caught it on him. He was just trying to have fun shit Okay Chris, I know permit at the end I know life on top but I am going to make this better since you want to go out to her tonight drop the birdie dealer I Brought a ton of beer we gotta get her in this hotel angry not have a good time You know lot that’s the best idea you can all day throw me a beer dog have dijanna cantaloupe is fun Oh Man my head Man last night was fun Chris. Let’s do it again Jesus my head feels like it’s gonna explode. Oh you pussy. I’m fit as a fiddle It’s probably ruined service, can you get that swag I’m so bad You know what I think I’m sick after all cough cough, let’s stay and Gaming, that’s the story of how we work on for one year now. Let’s hardly ever sleep Retarded subtitles by someone now leave

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