Handling the Holidays After Divorce || Mayim Bialik


– During the holidays
I spent a festive meal at my ex-husbands house. It was kind of a relief
not to have to host. He volunteered and I figured, why not? We all pitched in and
cooked but it was just really nice to have to
worry about clean the house or doing the dishes. Here’s the thing, he also
hosted his girlfriend, and her kids and her ex-husband. My mom was also there as
was my best friend, Elsa. She’s a really good best
friend to be there for me. Most people that I
mention this guest list to thought that we were crazy. That is was too awkward,
too close, just too much. I mean it was our first time doing this kind of meal together. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous going into this meal. I was recently single at the
time, and felt really alone. Plus, it was the first time meeting his girlfriend’s ex-husband. What if it was awkward and uncomfortable? So, why did I do it? Well, before I tell you make
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gonna be a good one. Let’s get back to it. So, why did I decide to do this? Number one; my Kids. I wanna be with my kids, I wanna celebrate things
with them together. Doing separate holidays, like at their dad’s house and my house. It seems excessive and sad. Even though we’re divorced,
we’re still a family. I wanna watch them eating
all the holiday foods and I wanna sit with
them and their father. Number two, family. I think it’s important
to model for my children what family looks like even
in a non-traditional family. Life is full of unusual arrangements. People’s families and step
families and blended families. The face of what families look
like is changing for sure. But ultimately my kids are the
product of me and their dad. And I think it’s really
important to show them that he and I work together
to make our family work. Number three, change This year was all about
change, a lot of change. I went though a huge change
in that I am single after not being single for a long time. And what I’ve found is that sometimes the more things change
the more I find comfort in the things that stay the same. Especially at this time in my life it didn’t feel good to consider not doing what we normally do even if it was going to
be potentially awkward. Baking, cooking, preparing foods, vacuuming up all the stray garlic cloves, and cauliflower leaves, those are things that bring me comfort. Number 4, pain. Life can be painful, loss is painful. But this holiday season I forced myself not to
wallow in self-pity. Which, I literally think I’m very close to getting a Ph.D in. Pain does not have to paralyze us. It can be present, while simultaneously helping us move forward. And this year it propelled me to my ex-husbands house. Number 5, gratitude. I will admit that I
was feeling pretty down when this guest list for this
meal started taking form. But a good friend of mine reminded me that there is no unhappiness
too great to be lessened. And that’s really true. My mentor reminded me how much
there is to be grateful for. And in the past I probably would
have rolled my eyes at her. But this year it pierced
straight into my heart. I have two children and
they are a real blessing. I have a wonderful ex-husband and even though he sometimes irritates me overall, he’s pretty awesome. He has a fantastic girlfriend,
she’s really really cool. And she wants her family to interact together just like we do. And that’s a good thing. My mother is here and her health is good. My best friend Elsa and I have been each others main
support this past year. And she always comes through for me. I’m grateful for that. My life is not perfect
and I struggle a lot but there are so many
things to be grateful for. So, how did this meal go? Well, with the attitude of
gratitude I went into it with I’m sure you’re not
surprised it went great. I was an enjoyable evening, we worked on a puzzle,
we watched some football, the food was really yummy,
there was plently of leftovers, I didn’t eat so much that I felt sick, these are good things! We took a walk before dinner, and we took a walk after dinner. It had just rained and
the air was crisp and cool there were Christmas lights
up on so many houses. It was beautiful. There are so many blessings
that we all can appreciate. I hope this holiday season you were able to find some
to be grateful for as well. For more on how the holiday season went, go to groknation.com And let us know in the comments below how you got through some
difficult holiday moments and what things you’re grateful for.

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