How To Know When Stephen Colbert Enters ‘Full Summer Mode’

How To Know When Stephen Colbert Enters ‘Full Summer Mode’


( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN! WELCOME BACK, JON! WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY HERE. GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN, JON.>>Jon: GOOD TO SEE YOU.>>Stephen: GOOD TO SEE THE
ENTIRE BAND. WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.>>Jon: TWO WEEKS OFF.>>Stephen: UNBELIEVABLE. IT’S SO IMPORTANT BECAUSE YOU
ONLY GET SO MANY SUMMERS IN YOUR LIFE.>>Jon: EXACTLY.>>Stephen: YOU’VE GOT TO GRAB
SUMMER BY THE FIGURES, AS I LIKE TO SAY.>>Jon: THAT’S RIGHT, THAT’S
RIGHT.>>Stephen: NOW, YOU WERE
IN — WHERE WERE YOU?>>Jon: SWITZERLAND, MONTRO.>>Stephen: WHAT WERE YOU
DOING THERE?>>Jon: HANGING OUT WITH THE
GREAT QUINZY JONES.>>Stephen: YOU IN THE HOUSE! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Jon: THE DUDE.>>Stephen: YOU WERE HANGING
OUT WITH Q AS HE HAS ASKED ME NOT TO CALL HIM.>>Jon: EXACTLY.>>Stephen: DID YOU PLAY,
TALK, OR WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO?>>Jon: HE’S, YOU KNOW, 86,
AND HE HAD A BIRTHDAY, AND THE RESTOV THE TIME WE JUST HUNG OUT
IN LUXURY BECAUSE THAT’S Q.>>Stephen: WOW. ( LAUGHTER )
I DON’T WANT TO BRAG ON MY VACATION BUT.>>Jon: WHAT DID YOU DO.>>Stephen: THANKS FOR ASKING.>>Jon: I WAS GETTING AROUND
TO IT.>>Stephen: I GRABBED SUMMER
BY THE FIGURES, AND I TELL YOU HOW I DID IT.>>Jon: YEAH.>>Stephen: I WAS DOWN IN
SOUTH CAROLINA. I WAS SMART ENOUGH TO MARRY A
GIRL FROM MY HOMETOWN, EVIE MAGEE. I HOPE SHE’S WATCHING. TOMORROW — YOU KNOW, SHE HAS A
REAL JOB SO SHE SLEEPS. ( LAUGHTER )
BUT, SO WE NEVER DEBATE ON WHERE WE GO WHEN WE HAVE TIME OFF, WE
GO SEE OUR FAMILIES IN SOUTH CAROLINA. AND ON THE LAND TOWN THERE,
WE’VE GOT A LITTLE HOUSE DOWN THERE, AND WE HAVE A FIGURE
TREATMENT HERE’S THE THING, THAT FIGURE TREE REALLY GIVES UP ITS
FRUIT. THE FIGURES ARE REALLY RIPE THE
SECOND WEEK OF JULY, I DON’T HAVE TO TELL YOU PEOPLE, AND I’M
MAD FOR MY FIGS. I’VE GOT SOME PHOTOS, IF YOU
DON’T MIND, I WOULD LIKE TO SHOW YOU PHOTOS OF MY FIGS. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I HOPE I DON’T BLOW THIS. LET’S SEE, WHERE ARE MY FIGURES? THAT’S NOT MY FIGURES. WE’LL GET IT. YOU DON’T HAVE TO CHANT FIGURE,
I PROMISE YOU. ( LAUGHTER )
HERE WE GO. SO HERE IS WHAT I LIKE TO DO. HERE IS, LIKE — WHO DO I SHOW
THIS TO? WHICH ONE, THIS RIGHT HERE? THAT’S MY FAVORITE THING TO DO
RIGHT THERE. I GET A BUNCH OF FIGURES RIGHT
THERE AND I CHOP THEM UP WITH A LITTLE BIT OF LEMON AND SUGAR
AND MAKE A FIGURE JAM. I DO IT EVERY DAY. AND IF YOU’RE THERE ON TIME,
THERE’S LIKE 50 NEW RIPE FIGURES AND I CAN THEM LIKE THAT. I’VE GOT MY LITTLE TOWER OF
FIGURES, AND THAT’S JUST ONE DAY.>>Jon: THAT’S ALL IN ONE DAY?>>Stephen: THAT’S JUST ALL IN
ONE DAY. I PUT IT ON TOAST, MAKE BARBECUE
SAUCE OUT OF IT, UNBELIEVABLE. I NEVER KNEW THIS BEFORE —
NEVER PICK A FIGURE BEFORE IT DROOPS. YOU HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE DROOP. THE DROOPY FIGURE MEANS IT’S
RIPE.>>Jon: OKAY.>>Stephen: THE DROOPY FIGURE. DROOPY FIGURES. THAT GETS ME TO THE NEXT PHOTO I
WANT TO SHOW YOU AND IT’S THAT I DID A LOT OF FISHING WHILE I WAS
IN CHARLESTON, AND WHEN YOU’RE OUT ON THE OPEN OCEAN — I’LL
SHOW YOU SOME FISH. I’LL SHOW YOU SOME FISH. YOU WANT TO SEE SOME FISH? WHO WANTS TO SEE MY FLOUNDER? THAT’S WHAT I WANT TO KNOW.>>Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: YOU GUYS ARE A CHEAP DATE IS WHAT YOU ARE. ( LAUGHTER )
HOLD ON. LOOK AT THAT. THAT’S A SUMMER FLOUNDER RIGHT
THERE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
UNBELIEVABLE. JUST AS SPECKLEDS THE NIGHT SKY
RIGHT THERE. AND HERE’S THE THING IS THAT I
WEAR A BANDANA WHEN I’M FISHING.>>Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS.>>Stephen: BECAUSE SOMETIMES
YOU WANT TO LIFT IT UP AND PUT IT HERE BECAUSE THE SUN IS
BEATING OFF THE WATER. I WORE IT ALL THE TIME BECAUSE I
THOUGHT IT WAS A SEXY MID 70s CHARLESTON HESTON LOOK TO HAVE A
BANDANA ON OR A MEGA MAN LOOK. MY WIFE TOOK A PICTURE OF ME
WEARING THE BANDANA WHILE I WAS DRIVING THE BOAT. EVIE THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD
PHOTOGRAPH TO TAKE. AND THIS IS ME WEARING THE
BANDANA. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>>Stephen: LET ME ZOOM IN
RIGHT THERE. ( LAUGHTER )
THAT IS ME IN FULL SUMMER MODE RIGHT THERE. I DO NOT GIVE A DAMN IN THIS
PHOTO. BUT WHAT SHE POINTED OUT WAS
THAT THE BANDANA ACTUALLY WEARING THE BANDANA MADE IT LOOK
LIKE THAT WAS THE ONLY THING I WAS WEARING.>>Jon: I KNOW! ( LAUGHTER )
>>Stephen: IT IS REASONABLE TO ASSUME THAT I AM WEARING
NOTHING BUT THAT BANDANA RIGHT NOW.>>Jon: WHAT YOU WEARING AT
THE BOTTOM?>>Stephen: WHAT DID YOU SAY?>>Jon: WHAT WERE YOU WEARING
AT THE BOTTOM.>>Stephen: I WAS WEARING
PANTS BECAUSE YOU’VE GOT TO COVER THE DROOPY FIGS, MY
FRIEND. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

100 thoughts on “How To Know When Stephen Colbert Enters ‘Full Summer Mode’

  1. 1:32 Honestly, spending all of your measly vacation time going to your hometown sounds really depressing. Time for you USAians to get five weeks of annual leave ??

  2. Would not at all be clickbait to title this, "Stephen shows off his flounder aaaaaand his figs." Welcome back, my man.

  3. i genuanly though that was Jeffery dean morgan (negan) and don't you tell me am the only one who thought that

  4. No more of this time off bullshit, it has to stop. A GREAT leader takes no time off.

    PS: I am glad you're back.

  5. Watching this right after my 12 hour shift just ended and I'm hating Colbert right now. Showing off his two week long vacation! Fuck you Colbert!
    (I still love him though, urgh!)

  6. Crazy how you start to feel like you know people simply from what they post. Spoiler alert – Mav is a fan. –Mav's Head of Security

  7. "You gotta cover the droopy figs, my friend."

    When I heard that, I thought it was something you wouldn't want to look up on UrbanDictionary. But I just looked it up, and it wasn't in there. I am SO surprised, since it sounds like a euphemism for Erectile Dysfunction. And that's something you DEFINITELY want to cover up.

  8. This show sucks. He used to make me laugh. Check out some of Steven other shity work like our cartoon president. Low quality humor. If ya want to call it humor.

  9. I thought he was joking when he held up the photo of himself with a bandana. I really thought it was Jon Stewart that was on vacation with him. Trippy.

  10. Stephen Colbert spends his summer days the same way I spend my summer days fig jammin and cannin! Note: add walnuts to half your dig jam, it’s killer on toast or pancakes. ??

  11. 4:25 There he looks like a rich sugar daddy your friend has, when you try to shame her for sleeping with older men for gifts and ?, she goes “but look, he’s cuuuuuute”

  12. Put some of your chopped, sugared figs into softened vanilla ice cream, re-freeze, and don't tell anyone what you're eating till it is almost gone !! My mother-in-law's special treat.

  13. All the little kids at summer camp are in fear of him making an appearance so they all went into hiding they don't want pizza

  14. Wow, so that's how oldschool Colbert is… He mentioned "Megaman" referring about "Protoman's" bandana! <3

  15. I discovered ripe figs in Virginia.
    As a Northerner, who had only known the dried ones at Xmas, or the Newton variety, I can tell you it was an epiphany i will never forget.

  16. I really needed this segment. always ALWAYS tell ppl about your days off Stephen. You have no idea how much this country needs just you talking about it.?

  17. Loving the subtitles. They're convinced he's really into maths "That figure tree really gives up its fruit." "Where are my figures… That's not my figures… You don't have to chant figure, I promise you" – "I get a bunch of figures and I chop them up with a little bit of lemon and sugar and make a figure jam." – "My little tower of figures" – "You never pick a figure before it droops… The droopy figure means it's ripe."

  18. хоспади, да Стивен же как любая бабушка за 55 лет хаха, миленько :Р

  19. Olha o estrago q o Steve Bannon esta fazendo pelo globo, aqui no Brasil foi o Jair Bolsonaro que endeusa o Trump e abana o rabo pra política norte americana com uma postura entreguista. Pelo menos a luta de vocês é ideológica, aqui além disso o presidente esta prostituindo nos direitos para uma minoria ficar mais rica pra justificar o rombo q esta acontecendo com o governo entregando nossos recursos para a economia de vocês continuar sólida.

  20. I see all the Liberal snowflake cult followers are here praising and worshiping. Trump winning again in 2020, get you some of that Colbeir ya crying little liberal, man up and grow a pair. You look frail like a Woman. Ah ha ha ha

  21. We need to take away all the summers and deport them so Stephan can't leave anymore.

  22. I don't why it is, but I find it really annoying that a privileged American is bragging to an adulating crowd about owning land which he visits once a year, and about going fishing. It's so quintessentially American yet somehow just not quite right.

  23. I am watching this episode right now on demand and this bit just happened and while watching it I was laughing so hard my stomach hurts now, not only because the story including the picture of Colbert wearing the bandana (#sexybandanaman) was funny but it was the CC subtitles that made it so hilarious. Every single time he would say ‘fig’, the subtitle would use the word ‘figure/s’ and when he says “fig tree” the subtitle said “figure treatment”. I was laughing so hard because I can imagine someone that is hard of hearing or deaf, reading that and watching what is actually happening when Colbert shows the pictures of fig jam and him making the jam, and being so damn confused, then figuring it out, then laughing hard about it. Because it was sounding ridiculous for a second, but then thanks to visual assistance it all suddenly makes sense that the subtitle bot is just being stupid.

  24. Sorry but…the fact that the captions keep calling figs "figures" is driving me crazy…and I try to avoid being a grammar nazi ?

  25. Colbert loved his vacation to epstein island and he even picked up fashion tips to impress his child sex slaves.

  26. You worry more about the droopy fig, and left the rest of us to deal with the racist rotten orange! DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN! Also. … we love you!

  27. Colbert has lost all my respect since he started to become part of the left. Not sure why YouTube recommends this. No longer funny.

  28. What will you BRAINWASHED fools do when all the truth about the Deep State that Stephen Colbert is a SHILL FOR comes out????? How will you face your family and friends and co-workers? More importantly, how will you face YOURSELVES?????????

  29. I always just assumed your birthday suit was a suit. We need more shirtless picutres of you, preferably riding a horse or sitting next to a tiger.

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