How to Sneak Into a Summer Hotel Pool Party (Pool Hand Luke)


Summertime is here and if you live in a large metropolitan area like me you want to be where all the hot girls are. Where are all the hot girls? At luxury hotel pool parties. And I know what you’re thinking, these pool parties are designed to be so expensive that only rich aft holes and foreign tourists can afford to go to them. And unless you’re a hot girl, you’re stuck dipping your balls in a baby pool in your driveway. That’s not fair. So today I’m gonna teach you how to gain entry to an exclusive hotel pool party and eat and drink all day for free I’m Mike Capes and I call this hack, “The Pool Hand Luke”. [Music] [Applause] There’s nothing better than a pool party. Besides the public library it’s the only place where you can get away with being half naked drunk and pee in public while smiling at a perfect stranger. But our options are limited here because most of us are too poor to own a pool and the public pool looks like this. Mister, mister, you know me I’m the only one looking after my own sister. Oh kid I’m so sorry I got a thing and I fell for. Oh my god! All right first things first, we need to sneak in. Now most of these hotels require you to have a room key to even get near the pool but you can’t afford a room here, you had to have your shift cover to Deniel’s just to have an open day for this hack. So how do we get a room key? It’s simple. Go up to the reception desk say something like this, “hi, hi you know what I tossed away the room key Mikey but well my son collects them so I was wondering I could have a deactivated key just a pretty mom two different kinds okay awesome thank you oh he’ll like that much now I don’t have a kid but if I do I hope he’s not lame enough to collect these fun king things and if you’re under fifteen guess what you play the kid but stop watching this video because you can’t do any of the rest all right we’re in did you guys notice anything there? no well neither did security well aside from the full grown man wearing child floaties was I just being ironic to get attention from girls they think so but it’s actually our second hack is there a clue what’s that blue you think I can’t swim no did I sneak water into the party in my floaties why yes I did good job blue did you guys notice that at home well blue found it because blue hates paying $15 for a water down well drinking now we need to get some free food in a good spot to sit down if you didn’t get to the pool early enough you’re going to end up sitting so far from the action you’ll feel like an extra in a Spring Break YouTube movie but if you want to get the girl at the end you have to be the star so you just have to make friends you could find people with common interest and gradually form a relationship built on trust or just find the funnest dude you can with food and prime real estate just stroll up and start high-fiving drunk dudes love high-fiving how’s it going Mike Mike so how do you get free food from these guys well you have to use your wits and a little human psychology to do it first thing you can do is just be a great listener and make their stories seem amazing just make sure you laugh a lot give them bro hugs and fist bumps while you’re doing that they won’t notice that you’re taking their fries from time to time I know what you’re thinking this is small potatoes but it’s aggregate it’s only one fry at a time but over time it adds up to a lot another thing you can do is play dumb the old what is that routine what about just look at their food as though you’ve never seen or heard of it before look confused even pick one up and examining they’re not gonna believe you’ve never tried something so common and lets you have some you could keep this big going for all the plates they ordered okay what is that Hamburger Hamburger do they make these everywhere is it heil hamburg I know what you’re thinking I could do the old choking technique to get a free beer here but if the food is spicy you can achieve the same effect with the hot mouth if you’re still hungry after this just listen for the name on some rich aft holes tab you know someone who keeps ordering spit to impress everyone once you have the name just order something from a waiter and put it on their tab steak sandwich and a steak sandwich put that on the Underhill tab oh now you just enjoy the day now that you’re way too trunk off of arm floaties booze to drive you need a place to crash here’s how you do that you tell your new friends that you know some girls but you have to charge your phone in their room to call them do I know any girls no I’m just gonna go to the room to lay down and pretend I’m passed out now when a dude passes out he’s destined to wake up with a dock on his face so if anyone comes to check on you this is where the drawing you did comes in handy when they see you they’re gonna believe you passed out because no one in their right mind would draw a dock on their own face also this will prevent further dock drawings because no one wants to be the sloppy seconds dock drawing guy they’re just gonna let you rest for the night well there you have it you just got a whole summer luxury pool party experience for free now you can spend your money on six all right I gotta go wash this dock off my face now but remember kids don’t be an aft hole now this is for when you’re at a super crowded place like a best co or caused by and there isn’t a space in sight we’re going to miss all the good free samples not anymore if there are no spots we make our own so let’s make an entrance and park front and center then put a big red bow on the hood I know my bow looks terrible but the YouTube tutorial I watched suck the fat dock what’s up with those YouTube channels that don’t actually teach you anything

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