[Music: Vintage News Long] Hey there everybody,
and welcome to Internet Comment Etiquette. I’m Erik, your host… …and we just celebrated a wonderful pineapple summer this year. But summer’s been over for about… about a month now, ‘nd I just thought it was strange to have a pineapple summer come and go without saying goodbye. So strap in, relax, and let’s real quick try to remember us, the good ideas. Thanks man! Now, there’s no better way to kick off a pineapple summer, than to get a pineapple shaved into your head… …and that’s exactly what I did. Oh yeah, now that’s a good haircut! (Pineapple boy shows his haircut) “Thanks for the Kickstarter money.” Alright, let’s check out some comments. So you drove home after all that wine drinking. Nice. Erik drinks wine, gets a haircut and does a DUI. WHY YOU DRINK DRIVE BOY!!! Drinking wine is cool and all, but I hope you didn’t seriously drink and drive while doing this. Putting your own life at risk is blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah You drunk driving fuck What? I didn’t drive drunk. I Ubered to the haircut and Ubered back. What? Where’s this coming from? “PINEAPPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” Oh, that? No, I wasn’t drunk when I did that. You see, that’s called “Movie Magic™” Where I… I could film something the next day when I’m sober… …and then cut it into the thing so that it looks like it happened on the same day. But I… I can see where you got confused.
After all, I’m, you know, wearing a completely different
fucking shirt and everything. So that… that’s on you guys.
I’m gonna reply to this real quick AND POST! Now, you’ll know when I’m drunk cause I’ll be screaming at children. Alright, now after I got this pineapple haircut, I started seeing pineapples everywhere. Like here And here And here And, Look at this pineapple Man, even conspiracy theorist Mark Dice was tweeting about pineapples Why’s he gotta be such a fuck? Alright, i’m gonna reply to this (Long-hair Erik) Hey Pineapple Erik, let me try one on this guy. Oh sure, yeah Lady-hair Erik, go for it! (Lady-hair Erik) @markdice I’ll bet you slay more pussy than a teenage serial killer workin his way up to humans (Lady-hair Erik) And tweet! Now, that’s a good tweet! (Lady-hair Erik) Yeah, I felt good about it. Thanks, ya dopey fuck. Alright i’m gonna show you guys what a pineapple prank looks like. Uh oh, how’s he gonna prank her? This prank’s gonna happen any second now. (Lady-hair Erik) Hey Pineapple Erik, did you hear we lost Harry Dean Stanton? What! No way! Come on! That… Aw! Fuck, that sucks. (Lady-hair Erik) I thought he was great in ‘A Straight Story’. Yeah? Uh, are you… What, are you doing a bit right now? (Lady-hair Erik) I’m not doing a bit. Oh, he just gives you the pineapple. Huh, that’s a strange prank. Well, let me drop a little pineapple of my own in the comments section here. “I pranked my mom like this but instead of handing her a pineapple I got gay married to our town’s priest.” “Dude, my mom was freaking out, best prank ever!” “Anyway, my priest husband died of old age a year later and left me the church in his will so win-win on that shit, “now I host daddy nights there on Tuesdays and therapy night on Wednesdays which I skip because there’s nothing wrong with me.” AAAND POST! Alright, that’s a pretty good comment. Now let’s check out this viral video called ‘Pen, Pineapple, Apple, Pen’. Aaand play! [MUSIC] “I have a pen, I have a apple…” Wait, hang on, I thought this video had like a guy in it, a wacky looking dude… Oh, I see, this is the Sexy Version. [MUSIC] Ah, nuts. I guess you can’t please everybody. Well, let me try to brighten this guy’s day up with a little bit of summer sunshine that I’ve been hanging on to. “I put my dog in a headlock while watching this until he passed out, then I dumped him down my neighbour’s chimney. “Blame it on the Pineapple Summer baby, best summer ever! Except for the memes, we got some pretty shitty memes for this summer like that “the floor is…” nonsense and “Mr Worldwide”. “I mean I get I’m too old to have any say in meme culture but when I was a kid we printed out pictures of goatse and tubgirl and stuffed them in each other’s lockers “so that when they opened their lockers they looked like fuckin’ creeps when the pictures just spilled out all over the place. “I don’t give a fuck how that dude sprinkles salt on a steak, let’s see him stretch his asshole out ’til it looks like a whale’s mouth trying to swallow a colony of shrimp.” AAAND POST! Okay, now what else happened during the summer? Uuuuhhhhh…… Oh, I… I forget. Huh. Oh, but near the end of the summer some stuff happened, like Ted Cruz ate another booger, but this time metaphorically. Oh, and Mbatu Schectanelly got sent to Schecta-jaily. Look at that, oh, this poor guy. Let’s send him a tweet. Nope, that’s right, he got banned from Twitter. Maybe he’s livesteaming or s… no, that’s right, he’s in jail. Huh. Alright, well we’ll have to circle back around on this next summer when he’s covered in Aryan Brotherhood tattoos. Okay, let’s find another YouTube video with Pineapple in the title. Oh, here’s a good one. ‘Shredding Pineapple and other fruits’. Seems appropriate. Aaand play! Ah, shit, there it goes. Just like the Pineapple Summer. Hey, ten bucks says I already know what this comments section’s gonna be full of. Well fuck, I guess I owe you all ten bucks cause I thought the comments section was gonna be a little more something like this: “Hey nice fruit shredder asshole, the only thing that could clog up those blades is the sheer volume of documentation hidden in government facilities around the world about the existence of the Annunaki, “A race of aliens that lives in the hollow center of our planet. “Hey I got an idea, flip that shredder over and let it tunnel down a couple miles so we can pop into the world underneath and get ourselves some alien handjobs. “I read in the bible that these little fuckers can fly too, so I wanna ride one of them while bangin’ it from behind as we soar over a field of bizarre horse-like creatures. “I’m nuttin’ buckets over here just thinkin’ about it! Hey you guys ever slap a cop and get away with it? Just asking for a friend alright fuck homeless kids and I jizz into fans from behind #FLORIDAVOTER” AAAAAND POST! Alright, well that about wraps up our goodbye to Pineapple Summer, but don’t spend too much time looking back, ’cause there’s still so much to look forward to. Like my next haircut, for instance, which is gonna blow your fucking mind, and you can help fund it right now on my new Kickstarter… “Erik Takes Xanax and Gets a Buzzcut”. I’ve got some great backer rewards for this one, like… “I don’t owe you shit”, and “I’ll Send You a Toenail”, also for $600 I’ll shut down the whole Kickstarter and keep everyone’s money. By the way, like with every other Kickstarter, this does have a delivery date, but you wanna ignore that. I’m just gonna wait another two years to let my hair grow out and then maybe complete this project when it gets funded. Which it will. But all that aside, I want to say that this has truly been the best summer of my teachine career, and I have all of you to thank for that, each and every one of you, my dear students, and there’s so many of you now. I could sit here and reminisce about the last few months forever, but the future’s always unfolding before us with it’s lessons, and hopefully, an Internet full of proper and respectful Comment Etiquette. Until next time, and oh this is strange – I have an unsent tweet to Ted Cruz on my screen here. Uh, yeah, fuckin’ tweet that shit! Pineapple out! [VO] Now on the salviaerik.com store, secure yourself a Pineapple Summer poster, loaded with the best neutraceuticals to help you remember what it was like, [VO] before fall rolled in kicking off your seasonal depression. Also here’s a poster the globalists don’t want you to see. [VO] It’s all about science, that’s a rocket ship right there. Not much more else to say about it, nothing to see here. [VO] The salviaerik.com store is your number 1 spot for posters, shirts, and other shit that we put microchips in to keep tabs on everything you’re doing, [VO] just to make sure you’re not in league with the devil, AKA George Soros! [VO] Where are my kids?! [Outro] Bronz – Man Girl Machine