My Summer Car – Finland Simulator #1 – Don’t Drink and Piss

My Summer Car – Finland Simulator #1 – Don’t Drink and Piss


Robbaz here, playing … Finland Simulator. Or as I like to call it – Voi Vittu Simulator! I think it’s a more fitting name. Oh, it reminds me of our summer house. Ah, lovely. Look how relaxing this is! I already envy the Finns. Perkele! I’m more Finnish than I thought I was gonna be. Sitting around, doing fuck-all. Drinking beer. Oh yeah. This is probably where my hydraulic press is stored. Oh, oh no, washer. Ah, Homo Hyperclean! Oh yeah, I like my homo. What is this? Finnish people do not shower? They shower in their own sweat and hard work in the sauna! Whipping each other with sticks and shit. Oh god, I’m I’m totally going [???] the sauna, dude! Dude, this is amazing! Oh, no, I sprung a leak! Oh no, oh shit. Oh fuck, it’s everywhere! Taking the beer with me. Oh, what the fuck! I’m still leaking. I have a leakage problem. Oh shit – I can’t open the door and carry my beer? What is this?! It’s surprisingly a nice day in Finland. Usually it’s raining piss and there’s [???] everywhere. Oh, this is where you have to build the car. You know, Jalopy style. But I think it’s a little bit more hardcore than that. Guess we start with the engine block. This game has every single part of the engine in it. Pretty much all of them. So we’re gonna start trying to put this bitch together. I’m feeling a little – a little cranky right now, so we better get the crankshaft in here. That’s the [???] diesel in. The cylinder is connected here, I guess. What the fuck! It’s the wrong one. Oh, God dang it. What an evil bitch! It’s – [laughs] We have to pick the right tools as well? Oh, God. There we go. Beautiful. We got a crank – crankshaft in there. We have to get the cylinders. There will probably be some sheeky [sic] scrublords trying to look at this shit and think that I know how to put this shit together. I don’t have any fucking clue what I’m doing. [phone ringing] Oh it fits here – oh – [speaks Finnish] Oh shit. Hold your horses. I’m coming. Oh yeah, actually I need a beer first. Oh yeah. You know, that social interaction … little alcohol never hurt. [person on phone speaking Finnish] Voi vittu perkele! What a nice guy. Vittu. Voi vittu! You see just put it here – Whoa. What the fuck? What the fukku [sic]! This game takes no shit from anyone. We have to screw every single thing in. Let’s not be scrublords, okay. We have to relax a little. Oh yeah, oh, yeah. Look at that. Ohh dude! It’s starting to look like an engine now! Yeah! Let’s see. What else can we put on now? Probably the sparkplugs, yeah? Dude, dude, we’re fucking engineer [sic]. Wait, yeah, we – I wonder where this fucking piece is? I don’t – I can’t find it anywhere. It’s like a little – what is it called – [speaking Swedish]? Or a shain [sic] or something. I thought the – fucking spark plugs was [sic] going to go into the – cylinder head, but I guess I’m wrong. The only friend I have in my Finnish life is alkolism [sic]. So he’s gonna drive shotgun. So – there we go. [laughs] We’re gonna go into town and buy some parts we need while the sauna is heating up. [car starting] Come on. Oh really? Is it fucked? [???] fix this? Hang on. Give it some gas. Oh – oh! Yeah, it’s a diesel! Fucking diesel master race. Oh yeah. Dude. Look at all these settings. This game is more than – more than I bargained for. Oh – yeah. Off we go. Dude! It’s – it’s moving! I need a little bravery. [speaking Swedish] – I mean – voi vittu perkele! Yeah! Oh – it’s a bumpy road here. Wait – saatana! Oh God, perkele! Oh no, I need to stop swearing in Finnish. [laughs] Oh no, I’m pissing myself! That was so scary! [laughs] Oh God I need another one. More bravery! [laughs] Come on. Seri – are we stuck *in* the car? No no, fuck! You can’t be serious, video game. Oh, no. I’m stuck in the car. You know what? We might as well just drink our problems away, right? [laughs] [glass shattering] Oh. Oi. Ah, that’s another way out. Oh no, look what we did to the van! No free candy. Oh no we – oh, fuck. We forgot to close the door this time. Can we close the – oh – Whoa whoa whoa. [imitates car engine] Drifting! Suomi drifting! Oh yeah! Stay brave Robert. Stay alkolism [sic]. Oh. Can we – can we throw it out of the door? Shwoop. Oh God. Oh dude. Oh yeah, I like this [laughs] It’s so stupid! Oh yeah, I need another one. Drinking and driving is not illegal in Finland! The only thing illegal in Finland is *seatbelts*! [laughs] Oh God. Relax. No, Roperti, don’t take another one. Do you know what it will do to your liver? Relax. We don’t – we don’t need it. We don’t need it. Deep breaths. [breathes] Whoa. I think we’re going this way. We might as well. It’s [???] though. Whoa whoa whoa – don’t – what the fuck! Dude! Haista vittu! We’re gonna fuck him up. Get back there. He like – he tried to fucking kill me, dude. Oh no. [noises] Oh God. Oh, it’s my neighbor! Fucking asshole tried to kill me! We need to give him some love. Some warm, warm … love. This is where Mr. Hitler lives, anyway. Oh yeah. Ohh. [noises] Oh no! I peed into my car. [laughing] Oh God. Hang on. I have to clean the windscreen. Oi, oi, oi – [speaking Swedish] – I don’t know what it’s called in Finnish. Okay, we have to make sure no one is coming this way. Oh, nope, we’re fine. [laughs] Oh yeah, sixty. Sixty. That’s pretty quick. Fucking grandma! Get off the road! You fuck! [???] vittu saatana! Bitch. Ooh, I think we’re here. Oh yeah, it’s a fucking store. Oh, let’s do some grocery shopping. Oh yeah. Hang on. I have to park this bitch. Let’s park it here. You know what? I appreciate this game a lot. Look at the amount of *soul* that went into this game. It’s just like Jalopy. I love shit like this. This is good shit. Perkele [mumbling in various languages] I have – I hast to drinken [sic]. Oh. Das ist good. Oh no wait, I’m turning Yerman [sic]. What the fuck – what is in this beer? Oh no, they are closing [speaks Swedish?] That’s not good. We have to hurry, they can’t close now. Oh. Hello! [shopkeeper (Teimo) speaking Finnish] [speaks Finnish] What do we need? Pizza? I think I’m gonna go with that. Ships [sic], that’s no good for your teeths [sic], though, that’s – Oh! Beer! Yeah, more of that shit! I take – oh, dude, dude, dude! Dude. Dude. The shit I need! Oh, he got everything I ever wanted. In this little shop here. Oh, dude. Moshkito – moshkito pr – propellant [sic]. Oh no, I can’t buy it? Really? Oh yeah. Good. Whoa – oh shit, I’m sprunging [sic] a leak! Oh no. Oh, I can’t stop it! It’s spraying everywhere. I’m very sorry, sir. Oh shit. Oh no, my Tourette’s. I got Tourette’s syndrome, I’m sorry. [Teimo speaking Finnish] What the fuck are you talking – what did you call me? [mimics Teimo’s laughter] Oh my God. Grocery shopping is hard. Is this what women do every day? Whoa, fuck. Oh no. I can’t do anything right! I just drove over my grocery! Oh, I’m such a shitty woman. [sobbing] Oh God. I can’t do fucking anything right. Oh God. That buzzing is giving me OCD. But I use my moshkito – mosquito propellant [sic]. Oh yeah, finally. No more of the fucking mosquito [sic]. There we go – close this. You save the fucking game in Porta-Potties! What the hell? Oi! Oh no, music. Is that copyrighted music? That better not fucking be copyrighted music, sir. Oh yeah. Hurry up. I want to hang with my Finnish friends, dude. Thank you. Perkele, vittu [???] saatana! Pussy! Why you guys don’t want to come home to my sauna? Oh, fuck you guys. I wanted to whip some manly men, but fine. Yeez. [car starting] I really need some gas actually. Oh there we go. Off we go. I could be playing Battlefield. But here I am, playing this – this magical shit. Bye-bye, guys, I’m going home. This game would feel more like Jalopy if there were more towns you could visit. [bass pounding] Oh – whoa, dude! That was Technoviking going back to Sweden! [laughs] What the – okay, hang on. Look at the road, Robert. Yeah, I think this is where we came from, wasn’t it? We’re living out in the middle of nowhere. Just like I do. I love – I love living in the middle of nowhere. Because no one can find you in the middle of nowhere. And it’s more annoying for the murder stalkerers [sic] to find you. [speaking Swedish?] Home sweet home. Oh yeah. I love how they – you can hear the beer rattling in the car. Wait. We got the fucking wrong – dude, did we get the wrong belt? That’s a water thing. Oh shit. Oh well. Oh no. I’m having real-life flashbacks. This is – literally – literally my life. Buying some shitty food to survive. Editing some shitty videos to buy more shitty food. Oh no. Finally. I can become the Finn I always wanted to be. I’m gonna cook myself like a lobster in the sauna. Ohh, dude. Ohh, yes. Very well. Like and favorite this shit. Sit in a sauna … today. I could continue the game, and try to get a car built as well. That would be pretty sick. No, you can’t piss on it. Oh – no, you could! Oh! [gagging and coughing noises]

100 thoughts on “My Summer Car – Finland Simulator #1 – Don’t Drink and Piss

  1. "I got tourettes syndrome, sorry"
    "Grocery shopping is hard, is this what women do every day?"

    These quotes 😂😂😂

  2. Oh my god the classic Mr Hitler reference, be attacking your front door with a chain store before you know it!

  3. I promise you. Robert isn't Robert. He's real name is probably Pär Hulkoff and is the vocalist in the Industrial Metal band Raubtier. If you think about it they kinda sound thee same even though Pär sings a bit more aggressive and deep than Robert talks

  4. As a Finn, this seems to be pure comedy gold. I thought it was hilarious when ManyATrueNerd played this, but this seems to be even better. I don't think anyone but a Swede can mock us so lovingly. Estonians would probably come second, but given the joking vitriol we Finns spew at Swedes and they spew at us, the Estonians have a long way to go if they want to mock us nearly as well. But hey, Estonian's are culturally speaking kinda like the estranged cousin you only see once a year on Christmas at grandmas. loved, but kinda forgotten and left to do their own thing.

  5. Lmao I can’t 😂😂😂 i can confirm that not all finns drink alcohol, most of the people drink it for fun

  6. I'm lauching every single time because i'm from finland and when u trying to say "vittu perkele" it's so funny😂😂 lmao

  7. i seriously hope robbaz still gets paid for this. i binge this shit all the time! same with KSP and from the depths!

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