Hmm. Looks deserted I’ve heard that one before It’s likely any remaining Charon personnel would have
retreated after you took the research complex Or maybe they’re at lunch. I’m hungry. Well how do we know for sure? IS ANYBODY STILL HERE?! Caboose!
– WHAT?! OH SORRY! Uh… sorry You big blue idiot! You’ll give away our position! If you’re here, just ignore that last bit! Good save, Sarge Caboose, if you could please, have Freckles run a thermal scan of the area Oh, yes. Eh… hey, Freckles? Yes, Captain Caboose? Oh, yes, er, Freckles, uhm… Could you go ahead and give me a thermal… sweater… to the base… thing? Affirmative. Heat scanners, AND Google Translate.
Nice. If you put the brain of a killing machine into an
assault rifle, you don’t cut corners. Did you give it control over the safety? Affirmative. Also, I heard that Whoa! Don’t worry, my tests determined that it was actually
safer to give Freckles full control over the rifle, …rather than Caboose. How’d you test that? I gave Caboose the rifle for about five seconds Makes sense. What a busy day at the hospital
that turned out to be! So what happens when you pull the trigger? It releases confetti and makes a fun party sound. Tucker did it. Yup. The place is definitely deserted. We already knew that! Yeah, but I just wanted to make extra-sure,
you know, for extra safety. Oh look, you finished moving all of
Grey’s tools without me. Man, bummer. You wouldn’t happen to be related to the Grif family, would you? I mean, I had relations with his sister,
Bow-chicka-bow-wow! Awwwww… I don’t get it. Right, let’s begin. [clears throat] This is the audio recording of Doctor Emily Grey,
number 05519. Upon arriving at the excavation site,
I made several observations. One: there is a large alien structure protruding
from the ground and extending into the sky. Two: It’s nice and sunny out today
and I love it! End log! Ladies and gentlemen, the smartest
person on the entire planet I know, it’s really intimidating Shut up. So, what up, Doc? Well, that depends. Who here speaks alien? Church taught me a swear-word. I no hablo Español. I… I only know wingdings. What, like the font? It’s a very misunderstood language OK, I’m just going to take all of that as a “no”, so why
don’t you all keep watch while I investigate the ruins? Ugh. Fine Roger that! Yes! Square plate diamond snowflake happy face! Now then, lets see what you’re hiding. We’re back! Finally, I don’t know what’s gotten into Lopez today! Well, have fun sorting through all the junk I’ve got a date with some crackers
and a can of Cheez-Whiz. Really, Grif? Nah, I’ll probably skip the crackers. What the…? Oh, hey, Grif. Er… hello? Can’t help but notice you haven’t been
by the training room yet Is… Wash still making- Yup. And all of them are- Real tired of running laps. Yeah, I gotta go. TAKE HIM! TAKE HIM NOW! No! They made me do the dishes! Bored… bored… bored… bored. Captain Tucker, why don’t you patrol somewhere else? No way! I want to be here for whenever
you find out how to turn this thing on! Why? Uhh, because it’s probably going to look
as awesome as shit? With, like, holographic lasers in the sky.
I want a front row seat for that! You know, I bet you’ll have just as good of a view
if you joined your friends over at the base. Hey. Yeah? You ever wonder… Wonder what? Ah, oh, sorry, kinda spaced out. IS THAT CHURCH?! Nope, rock. Pass Oh, well, then perhaps you could find something
more productive to do with your time? Like what? I dunno, practice aiming, or push-ups,
or whatever it is you soldiers do. Pshh… practice aiming, nobody does that. Freeze! Reach for the sky, mercenary scum! Donut, put that down! It’s not a toy!
Wait, what is that? I don’t know, it was in the pile of laser
weapons you and Grif brought back. Looks like an old plasma rifle. Huh, guess it got shipped by mistake. So does that mean I can keep it? Well, Kimball did say all the alien stuff was broken, …but I still can’t help but feel you’re
setting a bad example for the children Children? Oh, right, right, Caboose went with Sarge.
Yeah, fuck it, go nuts Yes! Agent Double-Oh-Donut is back in action! Uhm… so, yeah… can I get my rifle now? I’m on the case! [sighs]
I bet the Feds never had to put up with this Boosh! Hah! Oh, oh what, you talkin’ to me?
Hm, you talking’ to me, huh? Yeah! Hi-yah! I bet the Rebels never had to put up with this Ho-o-o, so you want a rematch, huh? Well, if you insist Huh? Ehrr… hey, Doc? Transcribing! Please don’t interrupt! “Weapon”, “weapon”, why does it all say “weapon”? Oh! I think I found something. Not now, please, I may have just made a breakthrough! What is that word? Okay, yeah, but I really think you want to see this. Is it… “key”? This is serious weird alien-
SHIT! What did you do?! I… have no idea. Down on your knees, pilgrim! Donut, cut it out! Wait, are you supposed to be a spy, or a cowboy? What the fuck! Oh my God! Aaaaah! God, why!? What is happening?! Aaaaah! Help! What in the heck just happened? Where’d all those guns come from? Did you see that? Of course we did! Yeah! I mean… I mean, the view wasn’t that great but, um, yeah we got the gist of it Told you! Uhm. What. It’s… alien! No shit! Well? Say something! Er… what’s up? Whoa… OW! When the voice… of alien… Jesus… calls down to you…
– Ow, Sarge! You do not…! …respond with “What’s up”! Tucker? Do you have any idea what you just did? [groans]
I don’t know, suffered a concussion? You’ve just activated technology that’s been dormant for thousands of years And now I think it wants you to go somewhere Hello everyone! Now that we have our own YouTube channel, …I’ve taken the liberty of re-organising everything
for a streamlined viewing experience. Just hit “subscribe” to put it to use. “You’re supposed to convince them to subscribe, not put them to sleep! You loser!” [sighs]
I hate him so much