(creaking) (clicks) – Well, well, well. Where have you been, young man? – Dad, I was just– – You were out with those church friends again of yours weren’t you? – Yes.
– How dare you tell the truth to my face. I knew those kids would be
a good influence on you. – I’m sorry, I thought it wouldn’t be– – Hang on, did you just apologize? You better watch yourself, bucko. I don’t like this humble
attitude you’ve got. – Okay, dad.
– Don’t you take that sincere tone with me. Now tell me, what were you
kids doing tonight, huh? Were you attending a worship service? – No.
– Are you lying to me? – Yeah.
– Good. How many prayers did you do? – I don’t know, it was all a blur. – And were people singing worship songs? – They’re called hymns, dad. – I don’t care what the kids
are calling it these days, did you sing praises to a higher power? – Yes, I sang praises. – Don’t you not raise your
voice when you’re talking to me. – Yes, I sang praises. – And what were the kids
passing around, huh? Bibles? Torahs? Qurans? – I don’t know, one of the
other guys might have had one. – Was there a bible? – Yes, and I read from it twice. – I don’t even know you anymore. You come home, well
before curfew I might add, and confess to these absolutely wholesome, righteous actions. – What about you, huh? When was the last time
you did something bad? – Don’t try and turn this on me. You know good and well I lead people into darkness every day. Every day! I’m not perfect at it, but not being perfect is
also kind of the goal. – Dad, I just wanna live my life. – You want agency now? Freedom from bondage and oppression? You are tearing this family apart. So at least you’re doing
one thing I approve of. – I feel so tired of
being bad all the time. I wanna see what else is out there. – You wanna know what’s out there? A life of joy and happiness. Is that what you want? – Maybe.
– Fine, then go. But don’t come crawling back here when you realize you’ve
become a delightful person. – Fine, I hate this darn place anyway. – You watch your mouth. We swear in this house. – Goodbye forever.
– Good riddance. (slamming) (sighs) At least he left on bad terms. – I’m sorry I got upset. Nooo! Thank you for watching that sketch, brought to you by Purple. – I finished all my chores, dad. – Okay, Purple mattresses
cradle your pressure points and keep you cool all night long. – I find it quite heavenly. – I have no son. – It’s a lot better than
what we normally sleep on. – Which is usually just flaming coals. – Yeah, hot beds of nails. – Memory foam.
– So get yourself a Purple today, you won’t regret it. – I regret you.