The Company Picnic


Hey Nico, you wanted to see me? Hey Anna. Come in, have a seat. Anna you do great great work here. But we’re in the difficult position of having to cut back this year. And unfortunately there’s no longer a spot for you at Corridor Digital. Oh. Yeah. I’m sorry. This kind of thing is never easy. Am I still invited to the company picnic? What? The company picnic. Can I still come and hang out with everyone? Uh. The company picnic is for employees only. I was really looking forward to going to the company picnic. I know it’s going to be disappointing to miss out. I’m sorry. Let’s talk your severance though, okay? Sure. Sure. Uh, what am I looking at? Well, we’re prepared to offer you 6 weeks pay plus compensation for your unused vacation and sick days and we’re going to extend your healthcare and dental by 3 months. That’s great. Uhm, I’d also like commission on anything that I close this quarter. Yeah, that’s totally fine. And half an hour at the company picnic. The company picnic is off the table. Forget the commission. I want 15 minutes at the company picnic. Anna, it’s not happening. Playing hard ball. All right. Cancel my health insurance and I will stand at the perimeter of the picnic while someone brings me a plate of food. I will give you 8 weeks pay to drop the subject right now. I’ve worked at other places before. Nobody does a company picnic like Corridor Digital does a company picnic. Yeah, you think I don’t know that? I’ve had this conversation every time I’ve had to lay somebody off. Branden gave me his new Tesla just for one of Ivy’s Lemon Bars. Just tell me where the picnic is, and I will kill anyone you ask. Anna, I don’t want to pity you. Tell me where the company picnic is! Is it at Griffith Park? Pan Pacific? Echo Park Lake? You son of a bitch. I swear to you, until the day you die, you will never find out where this picnic is! Security! Ms. Akana was just leaving. Make sure she gets her stuff from her desk. Little monster! Get off of me you freak of nature! Oh, Anna! I will tell you one more thing. 3 words. Adult Bouncy Castle. You bastard. You God damn bastard! I hope you get ants Nico! I hope you get ants! Really quick, can I still get a referral? Yeah, not a problem. Thanks so much. It was nice working with you!

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