The Newbridge Tourism Board Presents: “We’re Newbridge, We’re Comin’ To Get Ya!” | Adult Swim

The Newbridge Tourism Board Presents: “We’re Newbridge, We’re Comin’ To Get Ya!” | Adult Swim


[ ALARM BEEPING ] [ UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ]>>WELCOME TO “WE’RE NEWBRIDGE, WE’RE COMIN’ TO GET YA!” YOUR GUIDE TO EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT THE GREATEST LITTLE TOWN IN AMERICA. I’M BETHANY RODGERS FROM THE CHANNEL 14 NEWS TEAM.>>AND YOU ALL KNOW WHO I AM — NATE DIVICENZO, RUNNING BACK OF THE EL PASO GIGANTICS, RECENTLY RETIRED, AND READY FOR PHASE TWO OF MY CAREER IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA.>>NATE AND I ARE TWO VERY DIFFERENT PEOPLE, BUT WE HAVE ONE THING IN COMMON — WE WERE BOTH BORN AND RAISED IN NEWBRIDGE, NEW JERSEY.>>WHETHER YOU’RE LOOKING TO START A BUSINESS, GO ON A VACATION, OR BIRTH A FAMILY, NEWBRIDGE HAS IT ALL.>>NEWBRIDGE IS THE MUFFLER CAPITAL OF THE WORLD AND THE HOMETOWN TO CELEBRITIES LIKE HIP-HOP SENSATION MC FLAMETHROWA, REGGIE MONROE, THE FIRST CONTESTANT EVER TO HAVE BEEN VOTED OFF “SURVIVOR,” AND MYRON SCHWARTZENDRUBER, THE INVENTOR OF THE PEBBLED GARBAGE CAN. LET’S GIVE THOSE VIEWERS AT HOME A HISTORY LESSON ABOUT NEWBRIDGE.>>HISTORY LESSON? COME ON, TEACH! [ CHUCKLES ] [ FIFE AND DRUM PLAYS MARCH ]>>THE TOWN OF NEWBRIDGE, NEW JERSEY WAS FOUNDED IN 1677 ON A PLOT OF LAND THAT WAS LATER REVEALED TO BE A VIKING BURIAL GROUND THAT WAS HIT BY BLACK LIGHTNING. HEY, HERE’S AN INTERESTING FACT — NEWBRIDGE WAS THE CAPITAL OF THE UNITED STATES FOR JUST ONE DAY.>>ON AUGUST 23, 1776, GENERAL WASHINGTON RODE HIS HORSE THROUGH THE STREETS OF NEWBRIDGE IN ORDER TO INSPECT A LOCATION THAT HIS ADVISORS HAD CHOSEN AS THE NEW NATION’S CAPITAL. WASHINGTON DISMOUNTED TO FIND SUSTENANCE, AND WHILE HE WAS EATING HIS HOT DOGS, THE TOWNSPEOPLE SLATHERED HIS SADDLE IN LARD AND FILLED HIS SADDLEBAGS WITH EARTHWORMS. NO ONE’S QUITE SURE WHY. BUT WASHINGTON NEVER RETURNED. THE NEXT TIME NEWBRIDGE WAS NOTICED WAS IN WORLD WAR I. MAYOR LEOPOLD KERN PANICKED AND SURRENDERED TO A GERMAN KAISER WHO HAD NO KNOWLEDGE OF NEWBRIDGE’S EXISTENCE.>>IT IS WITH GREAT SORROW THTNEWBRIDGE TENDERS THESEABSOLUTE AND UNEQUIVOCALARTICLES OF SURRENDER TO THEMIGHTY KAISER OF THE GREAT CITYOF GERMANY.WE BOW BEFORE YOU, OUR SUPERIORARYAN MASTERS.>>BUT NEWBRIDGE MADE UP FOR ITS COWARDICE DURING WORLD WAR II BY BECOMING THE NATION’S SOLE PRODUCER OF TOILET SEATS DURING THE WAR EFFORT.>>NATE, IF I ASKED YOU TO NAME A CITY WHERE YOU FAVORITE MOVIES AND TV SHOWS WERE MADE, WHAT WOULD YOUR ANSWER BE?>>NEWBRIDGE.>>THAT WAS A SETUP, YOU KNOW? I WAS OBVIOUSLY DESCRIBING HOLLYWOOD.>>BUT THE ANSWER IS NEWBRIDGE, RIGHT? [ CHUCKLES ] WE’RE FORTUNATE THAT A BIG-TIME MOVIE IS ACTUALLY BEING SHOT RIGHT NOW IN NEWBRIDGE BY ONE OF CINEMA’S MOST RESPECTED “OTTERS.”>>AUTEURS.LET’S GO MEET HIM!>>THE BEAUTY OF FILMMAKING COMES DOWN TO SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS THE CAPTURING OF THE MOVING IMAGE FOREVER ON CELLULOID. IT’S MYTHMAKING. IT’S STORYTELLING. IT’S THE MAJESTY OF THE HUMAN CONDITION. AND NEWBRIDGE IS MY MUSE.>>”HAND EATERS 4,” SCENE 37, TAKE ONE.>>AND…ACTION! [ BOTH GROANING ]>>[ SCREAMING ]>>CUT! PERFECT! MOVING ON!>>”HAND EATERS 4″ IS JUST ONE OF THE MANY CLASSIC FILMS AND TV SHOWS MADE RIGHT HERE IN NEWBRIDGE. BUT IT’S NOT JUST MAJOR MOTION PICTURES THAT ARE MADE HERE IN NEWBRIDGE — PLENTY OF ONLINE CONTENT IS MADE HERE, TOO.>>LIKE THE HIT WEB SERIES “COMEDIANS IN CARGO SHORTS GETTING CUSTARD,” HOSTED BY FOUR-TIME PODCASTING CHAMPION TIM SCOLORPOLIN.>>SO, WHICH DO YOU PREFER, PLAYING A CLUB OR PLAYING A THEATER?>>WELL, I LIKE THE FEEDBACK FROM A THEATER.>>MM-HMM.>>YEAH.>>UH-HUH. WHAT ABOUT, LIKE, WHEN A BACHELORETTE PARTY SHOWS UP? WHAT’S THAT LIKE?>>OH, THE WORST.>>MAKE A LOT OF NOISE AND STUFF?>>YEAH.>>AND WITH YOUR CARGO SHORTS, WHICH OF YOUR EIGHT POCKETS DO YOU LIKE KEEPING YOUR KEYS IN?>>TOP RIGHT.>>YEAH, ME TOO.>>SO MUCH GREAT ENTERTAINMENT!>>AND SPEAKING OF ENTERTAINMENT, WE HAVE A SPECIAL TREAT. AT THE END OF THIS VIDEO, A VERY NOTABLE NEW JERSEY RESIDENT, KNOWN TO COMPOSE STIRRING ANTHEMS, WILL PERFORM OUR THEME SONG.>>WE CAN’T TELL YOU HIS NAME RIGHT NOW, BUT HIS INITIALS ARE B.S.>>[ CHUCKLES ] YOU KNOW, NATE, NEWBRIDGE MEANS BUSINESS, BUT IT’S ALSO A GOOD PLACE TOSTARTA BUSINESS.>>YEAH, EMPLOYMENT IN NEWBRIDGE IS BOOMING WITH BUSINESSES LIKE CONSOLIDATED CARDBOARD, THE RADIO HUT, THE PANTY PAGODA, THE NEWBRIDGE PENCIL WORKS.>>THE CD SUBMARINE, THE KERN PEPPER MINES, WILTON’S WIFFLE GOLF BALL FACTORY, AND THE VIDEO PIG.>>SO MANY CITIES BRAG ABOUT THEIR FOOD TRUCKS, BUT NEWBRIDGE DOES THEM ONE BETTER WITH THE DEBUT OF THE FOOD MOTORCYCLE. MAN, THAT HIT THE SPOT. AND NOTHING BEATS THROWING YOUR TRASH OUT IN ONE OF THESE PEBBLED GARBAGE CANS.>>THANKS AGAIN, MYRON SCHWARTZENDRUBER.>>AND FOR YOU GUYS OUT THERE LOOKING FOR BUSINESSES OF AN ADULT NATURE, YOU’RE GONNA WANT TO TAKE A WALK DOWN CROTCH BOULEVARD TO REALLY GET SOME RELIEF.>>THIS ISN’T IN THE SCRIPT.>>SOME OF MY FAVORITES INCLUDE BUZZY’S, CLUB DIAMONDZ, DEL SPARROW’S EROGENOUS ZONE, THE LOVE NEST, SADDAM’S PALACE, WET DREAMZ ADULT BIKE WASH, DONNY’S EROTIC GIFT SHOP…>>ARE YOU DONE?>>…THE PLEASURE TENT. AND SPEAKING OF PLEASURE, WHAT GIVES A COMMUNITY MORE PLEASURE THAN SEEING KIDS LEARN STUFF.>>[ SIGHS ] NICE SEGUE.>>IF YOU’RE LOOKING TO RAISE A FAMILY, NEWBRIDGE SCHOOL SYSTEM IS TRULY SECOND TO FEW.>>WHETHER IT’S NEWBRIDGE ELEMENTARY, NEWBRIDGE FRIENDS DAY SCHOOL, OR NEWBRIDGE ENEMIES NIGHT SCHOOL.>>AND GRADUATION RATES ARE THROUGH THE ROOF EVER SINCE THE INTRODUCTION OF THE “SCARED SMART” PROGRAM.>>LOOK, YOU PIECE OF FILTH, DO YOU KNOW WHAT EUROPE IS? I SURE DON’T! I THINK IT’S A CAR! HOW MANY SIDES ARE IN A DAMN RHOMBUS? I STILL DON’T KNOW! WHAT DOES WATER BOIL AT, 215 OR 212? [ BARKING ] IF YOU DON’T STUDY, YOU’RE GONNA HAVE A GUY LIKE BIG ZEPH OVER HERE RIP OUT YOUR SPINAL CORD AND HE’S GONNA MAKE A UKULELE OUT OF IT AND HE’S GONNA MAKE YOU PLAY IT! LEARN, LEARN, LEARN!>>IF SPORTS ARE YOUR THING, NEWBRIDGE IS A HOME RUN — LIKE THE NEWBRIDGE PURPLE BACKS, WHOSE 1972 NATIONAL PANT-WHIPPING LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP PUT THIS TOWN ON THE MAP. [ BUZZER ]>>WE GOT A REAL BARN BURNERGOING HERE.DALRYMPLE WINDS UP AND LANDS AHAUNCH BLOW.UNWIN RESPONDS WITH A DUNGAREESTRIKE.HE LANDS ANOTHER HAUNCH SHOT.WHAT A CONTEST!UNWIN MAKES HIS MOVE!DOWN GOES DALRYMPLE!DOWN GOES DALRYMPLE!AND THE PURPLE BACKS AREWORLD CHAMPIONS!AND CLAUDE UNWIN WILL SPEND THEOFF-SEASON IN A GOLD CAGE.>>YOU’RE PROBABLY AWARE OF THE CONTROVERSY SURROUNDING THE NAME OF NEWBRIDGE HIGH’S SPORTS TEAM, THE RED MANIACS, FEATURING MASCOT CHIEF WIN-EM-GAME. BUT NEWBRIDGE IS MOVING OUT OF THE PAST AND INTO THE PRESENT.>>THE PEOPLE SPOKE, AND WE LISTENED. FROM NOW ON, THE NEWBRIDGE SPORTS TEAMS WILL NO LONGER BE KNOWN AS THE RED MANIACS. THEY WILL NOW BE KNOWN AS… THE RED RACISTS. [ SPECTATORS GASP, MURMUR ] WHAT? NO, SEE — SEE, IT’S NO LONGER RACIST. CHIEF WIN-EM-GAME — WHICH IS NOT HIS NAME ANYMORE. HIS NEW NAME IS CHIEF REX CAMPBELL. SEE, HE’S TAKEN HIS POWER BACK, AND NOWHE’STHE ONE WHO’S DOING THE DISCRIMINATING AGAINST THESE PALE FACES. IT’S EMPOWERING. HE’S THE RACIST NOW!>>[ Voice breaking ] SO MUCH FOR TRADITION.>>BUT THE REAL SECRET TO WHAT MAKES THIS TOWN SO GREAT IS THE PEOPLE. LET’S LET THEM TELL THE STORY OF WHAT THEY LOVE ABOUT NEWBRIDGE. [ UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ]>>I LOVE THE PEBBLED GARBAGE CANS. OH, AND THE HUMAN ZOO.>>UH, I LIKE THE SCUBA DIVING, AND, UH, NOBODY BEATS ME UP HERE.>>[ High-pitched ] I LOVE THE BARBERSHOP CULTURE — SO MANY GREAT GROUPS — MAX Q, GENTLEMEN’S AGREEMENT, THE BARBERSHOP SPARROWS. AND ALL THAT NUMMY FOOD. YOU DON’T JUDGE ME — I JUDGE YOU.>>I’VE GOTTEN TO BE FRIENDS WITH IAN ANDERSON FROM JETHRO TULL OVER THE LAST FEW YEARS. YEAH, I RUN A TULL WEBSITE, GOT A CHANCE TO INTERVIEW HIM, AND, YEAH, WE REALLY HIT IT OFF.>>[ Nasally ] NEWBRIDGE BLOWS. I DON’T LIKE NOTHIN’ ABOUT THIS TOWN EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT I CAN BUY THE REALLY AWFUL, DIRTY FILTH THAT THEY DON’T SELL DOWN IN PHILLY. CHECK OUT WHAT I GOT TODAY. OH, WHAT KIND OF PERVERSIONS AM I INTO THIS WEEK?>>IT’S TIME! SO LET’S BRING OUT OUR SPECIAL GUEST TO DEBUT HIS SONG ABOUT NEWBRIDGE.>>BARRY DWORKIN! MY MAN!>>HEY, EVERYBODY. HOW’S IT GOING?>>BARRY DWOR– WHO’S BARRY DWORKIN?!>>This guy.>>I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN! HIS INITIALS AREN’T EVEN B.S.!>>[ Nasally ] OH, YOUR PRODUCER SAID THAT I SHOULD SAY MY MIDDLE INITIAL IS S., BUT IT’S NOT. MY MIDDLE NAME IS WHIMPLE. IT’S IN HONOR OF MY GREAT-GRANDDAD, WHO STOWED AWAY AND SUBSEQUENTLY BOUGHT IT ON THETITANIC.>>SO, BARRY, YOU WROTE OUR THEME SONG, RIGHT?>>I SURE DID, AND I GOT TO SAY IT ROCKS. WE EVEN GOT MC FLAMETHROWA TO RAP A VERSE FOR US. YEAH, HE GAVE US A WHOPPING THREE MINUTES TO FILM HIM BEFORE HE THREW US OUT OF HIS DRESSING ROOM. SUPER GUY.>>WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE IS THE WORLD DEBUT OF “WE’RE NEWBRIDGE, WE’RE COMIN’ TO GET YA!” BY BARRY DWORKIN! [ SONG PLAYS ]>>♪ DEEP IN THE HEART OF THE GARDEN STATE ♪ ♪ SITS A COOL TOWN THAT’LL MAKE YOU FEEL GREAT ♪ ♪ BUILT ON AN ANCIENT VIKING BURIAL GROUND ♪ ♪ THERE IS NO OTHER BETTER PLACE AROUND ♪ ♪ NEWBRIDGE PEOPLE ARE THE BEST IN THE LAND ♪ ♪ IF SOMEONE FALLS DOWN, WE ALL LEND A HAND ♪ ♪ WE ALL KNOW OUR PLACE, WE ALL KNOW OUR WORTH ♪ ♪ WE USED TO BE LAST, BUT NOW WE’RE COMIN’ IN FIRST BECAUSE ♪ ♪ WE’RE NEWBRIDGE, WE’RE COMIN’ TO GET YA ♪ ♪ WE’RE NEWBRIDGE, WE’RE BACK, AND WE’RE PROUD ♪ ♪ WE’RE NEWBRIDGE, WE’RE SINGIN’ THIS AT YA ♪ ♪ WE’RE NEWBRIDGE, WE’RE SINGIN’ IT LOUD ♪ ♪ MUFFLERS AND TOILET SEATS MADE THIS PLACE WHAT IT IS ♪ ♪ PEBBLED TRASH CANS HELP US TO LIVE ♪ ♪ OUR S.W.A.T. TEAM IS FIERCE, IT’S THE BEST IN TOWN ♪ ♪ CRIMINALS KNOW NOT TO HORSE AROUND ♪ ♪ GO, YOU MIGHTY RED RACISTS, GO ♪ ♪ NOTHING CAN STOP YOU FROM KILLING YOUR FOE ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY RUN, EVERYBODY HIDE ♪ ♪ THERE’S NO USE IN NEITHER ‘CAUSE YOU’RE ALL GONNA DIE BECAUSE ♪ ♪ WE’RE NEWBRIDGE, WE’RE COMIN’ TO GET YA ♪ ♪ WE’RE NEWBRIDGE, WE’RE BACK, AND WE’RE PROUD ♪ ♪ WE’RE NEWBRIDGE, WE’RE SINGIN’ THIS AT YA ♪ ♪ WE’RE NEWBRIDGE, WE’RE SINGIN’ IT LOUD ♪>>♪ [ Rapping ] YO, NEWBRIDGE, NEW JERSEY, WAS THE NAME OF MY TOWN ♪ ♪ BUT IT’S BEEN 20 YEARS SINCE I BEEN AROUND ♪ ♪ I’M BUSY FLYIN’ ‘ROUND THE GLOBE, I’M ALWAYS ON TOUR ♪ ♪ GETTIN’ ALL THE HONIES, MAD MONEY GALORE ♪ ♪ I USED TO HANG IN NEWBRIDGE COMMONS WITH MY FRIENDS ♪ ♪ AND MAYBE ONE DAY I’LL STOP BY THERE AGAIN ♪ ♪ BUT IF I DON’T MAKE IT BACK FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE ♪ ♪ NEWBRIDGE, EH, YOU’RE A’IGHT >>♪ WE’RE NEWBRIDGE, WE’RE COMIN’ TO GET YA ♪ ♪ WE’RE NEWBRIDGE, WE’RE LIVIN’ THE DREAM ♪ ♪ WE’RE NEWBRIDGE, WE’RE COMIN’ TO GET YA ♪ ♪ WE’RE NEWBRIDGE, YOU’RE GONNA SCREAM! ♪ [ SONG ENDS, ALL CHEERING ]

100 thoughts on “The Newbridge Tourism Board Presents: “We’re Newbridge, We’re Comin’ To Get Ya!” | Adult Swim

  1. "Recently retired, and ready for phase 2"

    At the end of Icelandic UltraBlue, another Infomercial, at the end, they said "Phase 1 is complete". Coincidence… ?

  2. I heard they have the sixth best pebbled garbage can museum in south northeastern Delaware. Too bad its under renovations until 2038

  3. I recognized some of the background scenery. It was filmed in Carteret NJ a few miles away from where I grew up. And I have the same sentiment as flamethrower yeah whatever I ain't in no hurry to ever go back

  4. I honestly expected the town to be possessed by the Vikings killed by black lightning? Like what an idea, what a set-up. Mentioned twice, and the theme works. Newbridge tourism board coming to get you. Why have travel to a town as a tourist when the town can come to you, all these characters rampaging to the beat of a drum made out of people on some badass warpath up and down the east coast possessed by the ghosts of angry Vikings? C'mon guys. That's fuckin sweet

  5. 11:12 Crude bish. I'm coming to getcha. Hot milf, I'm coming, alright? Stage left, you look good in them jorts , yeah. Lube, bish, 'cause I'm coming tonight

  6. Absolutely loved this. Brilliant. We have those exact pebble garbage cans in my town too. haha. Awesome.

  7. Phone goes top right, wallet and keys in top left with the keys on the outside so they dont stab you. Also phone and keys seprate so no scratching. In my crago pockets I would keep the stuff I shoplifted but I stopped that for good a while ago. Generally they’re empty unless I’m traveling and have my passport or its winter and I keep my gloves in there. Im also an EMT so BP cuff and stethoscope in one cargo with shears and O2 key in the other. Not to mention spare gloves and pens but those are in every pocket.

  8. for those of you not into the weird swagless niche of acapella singing, you should know that barbershop enthusiast actually listed a bunch of 100% real (and very good) barbershop quartets. there's an adult swim writer who's a big nerd.

  9. Anyone got the legit name of the hot redhead milfey host?
    edit – It's Julie Klausner. But there is limited material on her. And she shamed some other hottie for getting naked, so kind of a bitch.

  10. jesus fucking christ man, the things i would do to be with that beautiful, voluptuous, sultry redhead. i'd strangle countless infants suckling on their mothers tits, just to be able to use my tongue to wipe her asshole clean lol. i'd greedily savor and lap up every drop of menstrual juice coming from between her sweet thighs, like a mad dog in heat ehehehehe
    like: if i'm a sick fucking degenerate
    comment: for me to go straight to hell m/

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