What Donald Trump Did On My Summer Vacation

What Donald Trump Did On My Summer Vacation


YOU KNOW, THE LATE SHOW WAS OFF
FOR TWO WEEKS, BUT DONALD TRUMP STILL HAD ORIGINAL EPISODES. (LAUGHTER)
SO LET’S CATCH UP, IN TONIGHT’S REPORT: “WHAT DONALD TRUMP
DID ON MY SUMMER VACATION.” (LAUGHTER)
NOW, BEFORE I DIVE IN, I’VE GOT TO BE CAREFUL HERE. I’M NOT USED TO TAKING A
TWO-WEEK DOSE OF TRUMP IN ONE SEGMENT. HE’S LIKE ARSENIC. YOU’VE GOT TO TAKE SMALL SIPS
EVERYDAY SO HE DOESN’T KILL YOU. WHILE I WAS AWAY, TRUMP DID
SOMETHING I’VE NEVER SEEN HIM DO BEFORE: TRY TO APPEAL TO
SOMEONE. THIS WAS HIS PITCH TO BLACK
VOTERS OVER THE WEEKEND:>>TONIGHT I’M ASKING FOR THE
VOTE OF EVERY SINGLE AFRICAN-AMERICAN CITIZEN IN THIS
COUNTRY WHO WANTS TO SEE A BETTER FUTURE. LOOK HOW MUCH AFRICAN AMERICAN
COMMUNITIES HAVE SUFFERED UNDER DEMOCRATIC CONTROL. TO THOSE I SAY THE FOLLOWING,
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE BY TRYING SOMETHING NEW LIKE
TRUMP? YOU’RE LIVING IN POVERTY, YOUR
SCHOOLS ARE NO GOOD, YOU HAVE NO JOBS, 58% OF YOUR YOUTH IS
UNEMPLOYED. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU HAVE TO
LOSE? (AUDIENCE REACTS)
(BOOING)>>Stephen: HE’S A PEOPLE
PERSON. (LAUGHTER)
VERY APPEALING. VERY APPEALING?>>Jon: YEAH, I’LL DEFINITELY
VOTE FOR THAT GUY. (APPLAUSE)
>>Stephen: YOU SEE, YOU’RE OPEN MINDED. THANK YOU FOR STAYING OPEN
MINDED, JON. YES, BLACK PEOPLE, AS FAR AS
DONALD TRUMP KNOWS, YOU’RE ALL POOR, YOUR SCHOOLS SUCK, YOU’RE
UNEMPLOYED, YOUR LAST MEAL WAS A FOOTBALL WITH THE WORD TURKEY
WRITTEN ON IT, SO TAKE A CHANCE! WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE? IT’S SUMMED UP IN TRUMP’S NEW
SLOGAN: “YOU’RE ALREADY ON FIRE, SO YOU MAY AS WELL SHOOT SHOOT
YOURSELF IN THE HEAD.” (LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE) THAT’S A NEW GAME. I LIKE THAT. NOW, THIS IS GOING TO BE A TOUGH
SELL — JON’S ENTHUSIASM ASIDE — BECAUSE — AND THIS IS
TRUE — AMONG BLACK VOTERS, IN A TWO
PERSON RACE, TRUMP IS IN FOURTH PLACE. (LAUGHTER)
THAT’S LIKE COMING IN THIRD AT SOLITAIRE. (LAUGHTER)
PLUS, LAST WEEK, TRUMP’S CAMPAIGN CHAIRMAN, AND JOE PESCI
CORPSE DOUBLE, PAUL MANAFORT RESIGNED AFTER UKRAINE’S
ANTI-CORRUPTION BUREAU REVEALED THAT HE MAY HAVE RECEIVED
$12 MILLION IN UNDISCLOSED PAYMENTS… BY THE PRO-RUSSIAN
POLITICAL PARTY OF UKRAINE’S PRO-PUTIN GOVERNMENT. I DON’T KNOW WHY THIS WAS
UNDISCLOSED. IF SOMEONE GAVE ME $12 MILLION,
I’D BE AT THE BAR SAYING, “HEY, GUESS WHO JUST GOT PAID
$12 MILLION? OH, AND YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I
DIDN’T WIN GOLD IN THE POLE VAULT? IT’S A PRETTY GOOD STORY.” (LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE) SO, WITH MANAFORT OUT, TRUMP WAS
FORCED TO BRING IN A NEW TRUMP-WRANGLER: BREITBART NEWS
CHIEF AND LESBIAN HAIRCUT MODEL STEVE BANNON. NOW, IF YOU HAVEN’T HEARD OF
BREITBART NEWS– YOU DON’T HAVE A RACIST UNCLE ON FACEBOOK. BANNON IS KNOWN AS A POLITICAL
BRAWLER. ACCORDING TO ONE FORMER
SPOKESPERSON FOR BREITBART: “HE IS SOMEONE WHO IS PRONE TO
PROFANITY-LACED TIRADES AT ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT.” WHAT A REFRESHING CHANGE FROM
DONALD TRUMP, WHO LIKES TO GO TO BED “EARLY.” AND HE HAS A BOLD NEW DIRECTION
FOR THE CAMPAIGN, BECAUSE “BANNON HAS CONVINCED TRUMP THAT
THE REST OF THE CAMPAIGN NEEDS TO BE BARE-KNUCKLES BRAWL WITH
HUGE RALLIES. GLOVES OFF. THAT’S RIGHT. BANNON THINKS THE REASON TRUMP
IS BEHIND IN THE POLLS IS THAT HE’S BEEN TOO CIVIL, AND NOW THE
GLOVES ARE OFF. THE TINY, TINY GLOVES. (LAUGHTER)
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) BY THE WAY, DONALD TRUMP WOULD
HAVE NO TROUBLE WITH THE POLE VAULT. WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH AMY
SCHUMER.

100 thoughts on “What Donald Trump Did On My Summer Vacation

  1. Hillary made a mess of Libya …. lied to Congress …. reckless with top secret emails … sold out To the Chinese with technology  and Russian with US uranium …. involved with untold "" suicides'' …harrased women who Mr Clinton raped … plain as day …. cant be trusted

  2. …Everything trump said was 100% correct… These are statistics… statistics cannot be racist… I don't understand you Americans and your "everything's racist" mentality

  3. I pity the poor Trump
    Who we wish would’ve stayed home
    Who uses all his power to do evil
    But in the end is always left so alone
    That man whom with his fingers cheats
    And who lies with ev’ry breath
    Who passionately hates his life
    And likewise, fears his death.

  4. Stephen, you're wrong. Trump would have trouble with the pole vault, but not for the reason you think. How is he going to get a good grip on the pole with those tiny hands? Especially now that the gloves are off. He's not going to have any grip at all.

  5. That appeal to black voters remind me of the Drill Sergeant in Full Metal Jacket.

    (punches guy in the stomach)
    YOU LITTLE SCUMBAG! You will not laugh! You will not cry! You will learn by the numbers, I will teach you! Now get up!

  6. 4:57 Everything was GOING GREAT UNTIL Esteban Colberto Gigante said: "We'll be right back with Amy Schumer".. She is SUCH AN ANNOYING CHICK,,, She is way UP THERE WITH: TINA FEY, Amy Poehler and janeane garofalo <<< FREAKING ANNOYING

  7. When I look at the faces of the people at Trump's rallies, I see each as an individual who is ready and willing to hand this maniacal candidate the nuclear codes.Would a sane person give a drunk the keys to his car?These people say they're worried about the Supreme Court, the economy, jobs, and all the rest. But what will any of that mean if we are all glowing in the dark?

  8. so colbert fails to explain why trump is wrong. how is it racist to say "black comunitys are suffering under the democrats (they are its not up for debate) and how about they try new leadership". how is it not a problem to say "these problems are insults so we shouldnt do anything about them"

  9. @stephen colbert, Has always put in perspective, succinctly, horrible and disgraceful behavior from people that really could, if given the chance, have a truly damaging effect on on huge populations of citizens here and therefore worldwide. I have followed Jon Stewart since the first Daily Show takeover when shortly afterward Stephen became a correspondent. That was before politicians knew who he was. Knowing that, he was hilarious AND courageous because he could've gotten punched at anytime, And THAT made him dangerous to politicians but loved by the watcher! Case and Point, His monologue at then President Bush's roast. I laughed and cringed through the entire thing. Bush's expression was so pissed because they thought he really was a right wing comedian. He's always been a Democrat in Republican '(wolves) clothing'

  10. I'm giving up posting; intelligent discussion is impossible given the wave of trolls with keyboards. If you would be laughed out of Political Science 101 maybe you should not say a damn thing about this election.

  11. Hilarious bit! How much did the clinton campaign pay you for this? Fucking retarded, cuckold….. Trump is putting america first, Clinton is putting donors (from the middle east and other foreign countries first) . Vote Hilary if you want ISIS. You are all fucking morons if you think SHILLARY will fix anything. She won't. SHE WILL SELL OUT THIS FUCKING NATION TO FUCKING ISIS YOU FUCKING RETARDS. Fuck you ISIS supporters!!!!!!!!!!

  12. Alot of people mad but i agree with trump, blacks are suffering alot more under te democrats and if you tell me that this is racist…than the truth is racist im sorry

  13. Except it's not a two person race. There are other candidates. Jill Stein and Gary Johnson are both viable options, America. Don't forget that. You don't have to vote for the lesser of two evils.

  14. Did he honestly just say that at the beginning? is he fucking retarded?

    When your only argument is "what do you have to lose" lol

  15. The NWO is our ENEMY and that's why we want TRUMP to win -please read this:

    CLINTON is controlled by the NWO. Any of u know what this means?? THE NEW WORLD ORDER (NWO) is mediated via UN, EU, CFR ( mainly CIA top bosses) UNESCO, IMF, TPP, AGENDA 21, GREEN /ENVIRONMENTAL parties, SUSTAINABILITY NGO's, etc. NWO modus operanda is ORDER (NWO = NEW GOVT.,=NEW WAY OF BEING) out of CHAOS as depicted in the US DOLLAR. So, creation of this NWO existed during the foundation of USA. The NWO Elites want to be kings ruling us- the SLAVES. They aim to gradually achieve this NWO by removing our FREEDOMS, RIGHTS and DEFENCE while pretending to solve the CHAOS created by them [ e.g. Terror ISIS, Open Borders to allow acess to ISIS etc., very high Poverty thru flooding u with immigrants, High TAXES and TPP /NAFTA, SCARCITY polluting agricultural lands via CHEM trails, Epidemics- Aids, Ebola, Zika virus, HR2N virus, killer-Vaccinations and Moral decadence/confusion e.g. transgender /gay superiority/ Hollywood excesses( e.g. Stars inadvertently exposing their private parts and forcing men to jokingly wear ladies dresses in real life or films) and low EDUCATION standards]. VERY, VERY SMART, isn't it?

    CLINTON (champion of high Taxes, open border, TPP, Immorality), OBAMA, The Main MEDIA, Hollywood Stars and /almost all the POLITICIANS /LEADERS in USA /the world agree to this NWO and are working towards this plan, -to be complete within 2 yrs (as per all indications).

    NOW U UNDERSTAND why the POLITICAL ESTABLISHMENT from both parties are very determined to have CROOKED HILLARY win? This is why we are also very determined to have TRUMP win, NO MATTER WHAT.

    YES, a lot of us have been fooled by Hillary CLINTON. She is a SUPER THIEF. She STOLE pictures, cutlery, towels, etc., worth about $95000 as 1st lady, STOLE ur future in the "Democratic-run" inner cities by bribing u with cheap handouts, STOLE ur COUNTRY by giving it to the highest bidder (NAFTA / TPP/ NWO), STOLE your FREEDOM/ SAFETY to cover up her crimes (email scandals) and MURDERED your fellow citizens
     (42 and counting: youtube >"The Clinton Chronicles-The Clinton Murders" & "Clinton Body Count +5 in 6 weeks"), to prevent her going to jail so that she can continue JAILING you "SUPER-PREDATORS".

  16. To all #NeverHillary voters:
    You are letting the perfect be the enemy of the good. If HRC wins, we will have a liberal leaning Supreme Court, likely a liberal senate and possibly house, and a president you must admit is going to at least be more likely to help the progressive agenda than Donald Trump.

    She may not be your dream candidate, but your best chance to move the country left is to keep the Democratic Party in power. Hillary isn't perfect but there is more than just the presidency at stake. If Trump wins, Republicans control every branch of government, period.

  17. I like your show, Stephen, but IT'S NOT A TWO-PERSON RACE! Pretending it is, is not funny, either. Gary Johnson (Libertarian) and Jill Stein (Green) are also running for President. Johnson may be the most qualified and least hated, and yet that doesn't make good comedy.

  18. ALL 3RD-PARTY SUPPORTERS, INDEPENDENTS, AND UNDECIDED VOTERS SHOULD UNSUBSCRIBE TO STEPHEN COLBERT IN PROTEST. Either Colbert is playing into public ignorance, or he really believes this is a two-person race, despite the fact that at 2:40, you can clearly see the poll results indicate A FOUR-WAY RACE BETWEEN "CLINTON, JOHNSON, STEIN, AND TRUMP". It's interesting that Trump is in fourth place, but to ignore the other two parties outright is no laughing matter.

  19. Ya know Steve, you can be funny sometimes.  I kind of like you but if you put as much effort in trying to be funny ' picking at the dried up old hose bag liar with out trying to make Trump the butt of your jokes all of the time,  I believe you would have a better show.You are missing out on a wealth of humor by not picking on the dried up disgusting old  bag Crooked Hillary.  There should be tons of material from her side of the race.  Lots of funny material could be found.  Are you being forced to only go negative on the Trump side of the race?  … Or is it that you just don't have the NUTS to go against the Media /Establishment folks?  Maybe your paycheck depends on trying to be the funny little guy that is just so clever only at Donald Trumps expense.  You would have more appeal if you broadened your routine and showed that you were not like the rest of the late night funny little men grasping for another Trump joke.  Get out of the pathetic rut that you have cut for yourself.  Change would be good for you.  There is a cast of many on the Dem. side that are just begging for attentionAnd I would bet you could make us laugh at them also..

  20. Not to be "That Guy", but isn't it technically a four person race already? When you discount all the independents?

  21. media shills like this guy can bash trump and make jokes all day long. But I’m serious: If killary becomes president, I’m moving out of the country. And taking my skills and money with me, and not paying a cent in taxes to the US gvnt.
    I’ll watch them collapse under their own orgy of marxist liberalism from somewhere else.

  22. Man the people in the audience are all retarted he was taking about Detroit which those facts are true trump said btw trump is beating Hillary so Boyy

  23. 4 a guy who is trying 2 get African American support the rally seems pretty white. b4 all u make hate comments just do me a favor and don't even bother. suppoting Donald "Jackass" Trump is the equivalent of saying u want to make America white again. so let me put it the nicest way i can, fuck off

  24. This… "show"… if you can really call "it" that… man… it's really depressing. Yeah, I check in every now & then. Sad. Shows you just how bored I can get at times. This colbutt character is reminiscent of an old lady friend that that my mom used to visit when I was 7 years old. Her house had the stench of moth balls and formaldehyde.
    Dear God, do I ever miss David Letterman. Letterman is the fucking BEST. This colbutt shit absolutly SUCKS. Hey, CBS. BRING BACK DAVID LETTERMAN and PAUL SHAFFER and the band. You can make that happen! Come on! David Letterman!

  25. A part of me can't believe that Trump is a real person, let alone a real candidate. I'm still holding out hope that this whole thing is the longest, most elaborate prank in the history of the world.

  26. He asked for The African American vote. It makes me feel like he thinks every Black person is African American…

  27. I was on vacation in Florida with my family when I saw this. It was the "highlight" morning before leaving for the Bahamas on a cruise. Thank u Donald Trump. U reminded me why I needed a vacation.

  28. "Your youth is unemployed
    You're living in poverty
    Your families are falling apart
    Your music is terrible
    You're overweight
    You're definitely not a 10
    That hair looks fake and bad on you by the way
    My dad could beat up your dad
    Yo mama's so ugly…"

  29. just… I still can´t get it…. how freaking dumb you have to be to vote for this guy? The lack of respect, of social understanding… just explain me why voters think that a guy that was born rich and never, ever had an hard day of work in his entire life, that never had to worry how to pay the rent, the food or medical expenses is able to understand the regular american family.? "You're in deep shit, so what the fuck do you fear? You can´t go any lower, might as well vote for me and my very rich friends… I'll give you the juiciest bone I can find." You bought that shit as "telling how things are"? Well, I'll tell you how things are: 1st- you're dumb as only one American can; 2nd- You had at least dignity and health insurance to lose… now you'll lose health insurance because dignity… please. 3rd Let's hope you get to see the end of Trumps mandate because I'm sure he doesn't want "losers" like you around. 5th- Where is the fucking wall and when does Mexico first check arrives? How dumb can you guys be? A president that "doesn't read books"??? Really? So you know, and I'm not fooling you, the USA and Trump are the world joke. No one really respect Trump… no one. And the sad part is that the "leader" of the "Free world" can't see that there's not a single country or politician that takes him seriously. Trump is an orange ridicule obnoxious old fart that will destroy USA. Good job.

  30. Wow coming back to watch this now, it reeks of conman even more. "what do you have to lost trying something new" holy shit

  31. Good day,
    Drumpf is a scumbag, you are what you eat, urine a golden shower wittew Drumpf. Weeeeeeee weeeeeee

    Thank you for your time.

  32. Body language experts will be having a field day with the hat pulled way down like he is trying to hide. I'm nor a body language expert, but that seem worrying.
    The trouble was, the hat wasn't low enough, because the crap kept coming out his mouth.

  33. Americans forgot it was the Republicans & the Banks that tanked the US economy which led to the economic collapse & massive job loss of 2008. What a nightmare.
    History showed how the Obama Admin & Congress Dems & mostly Moderate Republicans are the ones who helped steer America back over the course of 8-10 yrs; Which of course tRump wants to take credit for, But luckily enough of us know the truth.
    Not all Repubs were cooperative. Some Repubs made money by "betting against" their own Economy on Wall Street, who like the Banks, history shows, were also bailed out. And who paid?? the American people. This is where the 1% vs the 99% class war began. It was around this time that the "Tea Totaling Party" Claimed they were being being vilified by the Left by claiming the Left was decalring a "class war" against them. Poor little rich kids. Boo Hoo! Who paid? the American People & they paid with their lives, for some.

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